I don't think you need to spank the monkey just to find out what turns you on. I think that is an excuse to keep playing with yourself, spanking the monkey and probably to satiate and extremely lustful nature.
I believe you and your husband can both find out what you like together when you are caressing and making love to each other. When your husband is touching you and you like a particular way he does it, then you can tell him then that you like that and he can keep doing it.