Wow! Okay, here's my interpretation (well two possibilities):
Sounds like you assumed what may have been a very large responsiblity which placed in you in unfamiliar territory at such a young age. Seems as though you've been afraid of failing ever since. You haven't trusted the resources given to you which is why you're afraid of falling in the dream and using only crutches which are not as sturdy and dependable as your own two feet. This indicates (to me) that you are not trusting yourself enough and you really truly can.
Or perhaps you are using something in your life as an excuse (crutch) for avoiding unfamiliar territory for fear of falling/failing. But it's just an excuse and you have the power all along. If you should decide to throw away the crutches, maybe the holes will disappear too.
Just a thought.............................................