just thanks....

and a poem...well, poemish thanks....

After the teleconference....


I hope to get the time to write my heart-wish poem of thanks, but so easily am I pressured by the 'judgements' of others, or what I percieve as such...and so sensitive to critisism, I hate that anyone 'waste' their time...(the heading says JUST THANKS>>where is it???" .so I push myself...and that's the place I'm trying to leave....the place of pushing and pulling....I search for the rhythm, the flow of life. I've touched it before--it is always there. I step out of it when I'm pushing, pulling, being rushed and judged by others. But as I reach deeper, and sink my roots, I WILL heal,physically, emotionally, spirtitually, and I'll be like a willow tree, that bends and sways with the winds, but keeps her place. So here are some of my 'thoughts'...I'd wished it to be more...

Dear Andreas,

Chatting with you, feels so warm, so safe, so comfortable...
Fears fade....
Illness feels like something that isn't scarey at all,
just my body's call for help,
and you
the kind voice on the phone
offering answers, sharing the gift of knowledge...

your calmness, ordinariness....calms MY spirit, my heart, all of me....
I feel deeper, stronger, healing at that moment....
it feels like:
"Hey, no big deal,
bodies heal,
that's what they were made to do....
THANK YOU! Thank you. thank you..."

I have no brothers,and my five sisters are a mixed blessing (smile) but the highest compliment that I can pay, is that IF I had a brother, I would want one like you, Andreas. And that is what I'm finding at this time in my life--a healing family....a healing space
a place
that's a home away from home....

So comfortable chatting with you, listening to my 'siblings', feeling concern for them grow in my heart....
And all those that didn't speak....they are like all the people
in the world
that I don't know....
but deep down, so deep I cannot touch it often,
I recognize they are all my 'siblings' all part of my family,
and that turns the world into a safer, more wonderful place.
It opens my shut down heart, compassion starts to grow,
and I continue to heal.

Till I can write my poem of thanks, and if I the river of life rushes me away from it, until I become a willow....or "grounded" butterfly....

Thank you, Andreas. You provide pieces to the "puzzle", and the picture is looking better and better. What greater gift of the season could we ask for than that? Thank you for sharing YOUR gifts!

Your sister, in spirit at least,
Paula aka pjangel



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