Ever since a boyfriend broke up with me and strung me along for 3 months following our break up, I have been broken-hearted. It's not that I've merely been broken hearted over the break up, I have been depressed with the condition of the world. All I have to do is turn on the televison, the radio, or head to the movies to see how normalized sin has become... Violence, Sex, Drugs, Homosexuality, the non-existant morals of the Nation. It just seems too much to bear.
I have always been very sensitive to the pains of the world - since a very early age, I ached inside for anyone who was hurting or in pain. Even as a tiny little kid, I remember many many people coming to me for comfort. Then at the age of 12, I was diagnosed with many illnesses and I haven't been the same since. It's now nine years later, and if anything, I'm sicker than ever. I have lost most all of my friends, I feel all alone in the world. I thought that I had learned to cope and for about a year, things were okay. The pain was there very strongly, but so was the comfort the HEavenly Father so graciously gave to me. My heart just aches, not only for my own hurts, but for the hurts of the world. I turn on the TV to see this case about Terri Schiavo and it breaks my heart. People who have no regard for the life of an innocent woman. People who are willing to throw away her life as if it was a piece of garbage.
I have lost the ablitity to relate to other people, to see the beauty in the world. It has been this way for at least a year, pain more severe than I have ever felt. I have always seen the hurts, but somehow, I was able to go own each day because of my faith in the Father and His master plan, and the beauty I saw in the world. The problem is... I don't see ANY beauty in the world. I have been "treated" for Depression with drugs, therapy, etc, but it extends much further than that. I'm off all medications - they only furthered my Depression and inablity to cope.
My question is, how do you keep hope? How do you stay strong when pain in your life consumes every moment of every day. I have tried to will these depressing thoughts away, to pray, to read scripture, read books, but nothing seems to be helping me. I'm now very unmotivated. I'm unsure how to relate to other people. I recently found out my mother is dying. Life is unbearable and has been for some time. I'm sorry to go on and on with all these complaints and this horrible view on life at the present, but I want help! I want to be healed of all these illnesses and to be able to serve GOD with every fiber of my being. How do you get past the pain? How do you cope when all you can see in the world is pain and suffering?
~Lost and Searching~