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I just found out I have genital herpes. I just want to die.

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Published: 16 years ago

I just found out I have genital herpes. I just want to die.

Once, a couple of summers ago, I went overseas. I got drunk one night on a pub crawl with a group of fellow travelers and one guy ended up having sex with me. It wasn't rape, but it wasn't entirely consensual either. I don't know how else to explain that, but that's the way it felt. Plus, I was drunker then than I've ever been. The upshot is that I was diagnosed with chlamydia. I tested and tested and tried to make sure there was nothing else wrong with me, but apparently, either my viral load was too low at that point or else they never tested for everything the way I requested (my new doc says that was probably what happened...for some reason, people don't test for it. I have no idea why).

Anyway, I experienced intense itching in my crotch at one point and I thought it was a yeast infection or else related to the chlamydia (and so did my then-doctor) and it went away. Now I'm wondering if that wasn't my first outbreak. Anyway, I have a long term partner (who got the chlamydia from me) and now I've had to tell him about this. I feel like such an a**hole. I feel dirty and ashamed. My mother would react badly and the thought of her reaction makes me feel worse. But what makes me feel worst of all is knowing that in addition to the chlamydia, I also gave the man I love herpes, which I know is incurable. The shame is so intense, I can't really stop crying.

Anyway, I just wanted to share. Thanks for listening and if anyone knows effective treatments for this, I'd love to know about them. Thanks so much.

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