My Depression really made itself known to me by the time I was 19. I was in college and the years that followed only sucked me deeper and deeper into an already intolerable state of being. I literally wanted to be in a coma. A coma because I didn't want my family to be devastated had I died. I often thought of crashing my car into the side of the freeway, or over a cliff so that I could be in a coma. What stopped me fearing that I would become paralyzed and then I would really be screwed. Anyhow, I love my life now. I am 29 years old and I have done much soul searching. I have been in therapy for years and really really did the work necessary. I am doing great! Life is good and beautiful and full of possibility. Something from your past has a hold on you, time to find out what.
I still have some days where I feel I am slipping back in, but these days are few and far between. When this occurs I just try to deal with what is there for me causing me to be back in it.
You CAN live a normal life that you love. It does take years of dedication but, and you don't know this about yourself, you are a wonderful person and there is nothing wrong with you.
Feel free to email me