JUST FOR FUN…TO LIFT YOU UP!!!
Because we all need a little more laughter in our lives!!!!!
THE CRANKY OLD FARMER
A woman was checking out at her local supermarket, where she
had purchased a half-gallon of 2% milk, a dozen eggs, a quart of
orange juice, a head of lettuce, a can of coffee, and a 1 lb pkg of
bacon. As she was putting her items on the conveyor belt for the
cashier to ring up, an old man in overalls and a scraggly beard,
tapped her on the shoulder and said, “You’re single, aren’t you?”
The woman, was a bit startled by his strange question but equally
intrigued by the old mans intuition, since she was indeed single.
She looked at her six items and saw nothing particularly unusual
about her selections that could have tipped the old man off, and
curiosity definitely had the best of her, so she said, “Well, you
know what, you’re right…I am. But how on earth did you know
that?” Without hesitation, the cranky old farmer replied,
“Cause you’re ugly!”
The manager of a fancy shop needed to get estimates to replace a fence
on the stores property. So he called three contractors from different states
to give him estimates on the job. They were all to come at the same
time. The men all gathered on the property to give their estimates.
First to step up was the contractor from Florida. He took out his tape
measure and pencil, did some measuring and said, “Well, I figure the
job will run about $900. $400 for materials and $400 for my crew
and $100 profit for me.
Next the Texas contractor stepped up…took out his tape measure
and pencil, did some quick figuring and said, “Looks like I can do
the job for $700. $300 for materials, $300 for my crew, and $100
profit for me.”
Without as much as a move, the New York contractor said, “My bid
is $2,700” The manager was shocked and asked how he came up with
such a high bid without even measuring. “Easy”, said the contractor
from New York, “$1,000 for me, $1000 for you and we hire the guy
A family from the hills of Tennessee was visiting the big city for the
first time. They were going to stay in a nice motel with an elevator.
They had never stayed in a motel before…much less even heard of
an elevator. As ma was wondering around in the lobby looking
at all the finery and literature, pa and the son were staring in
amazement at the big doors on the elevator. “Pa, what do you reckon
that there thing is?” He asked. “I don’t rightly know, son.” The
old hillbilly replied. Just about that time, a frumpy old woman walked
up, stepped onto the elevator, and the doors shut behind her. Within
seconds, the door of the elevator opened again and a beautiful young
woman stepped out. The old hillbilly leaned over to his son and said,
“Well, that there’s some kinda miracle machine son, quick boy…
go git yur ma!”