Ed, you are so messed up by listening to false teachers that I would not even know where to begin with you. I know what it is like to have God tell me one thing and to have Bible teachers teach me the opposite interpretation of scripture that differs with the personal voice of God to me. As you know, that is one of the main reasons I fell and was in a backslidden state for years. I know the voice of God. I have since learned that contradictions come from bad interpretation, or bad translation of scripture. Where there is contradiction you need to study with the help of the Holy Spirit to get to the bottom of the issue. Yes, this includes study of the original languages. We may not get all the answers, but I sure have uncovered some things that at one time seemed contradictory to me.
For example Paul does not teach against women speaking, teaching, preaching, etc. He teaches the opposite. It is how scripture was twisted and rearranged to give the false teaching in order to keep women controlled. I don't yet have the answers for every little thing you bring up, but you sure are off. Your way of thinking is how Christian cults get started. You could be a cult leader with your way of thinking. Many Christians know the voice of God. Many Christians have left the institutional religious system because of all the false teaching and yet you accuse most of them of worshiping the system instead of God.
Real Christians seek God and they know God left us scripture that He breathed to help us. It is true that we only have copies of copies today, but we have much accuracy with our copies in some of the best translations. Many of the contradictions have been uncovered by scholars who have studied the original languages. Most Christians are not as unspiritual as you make them out to be. True Christians have a relationship with God and know the voice of God. You act like none of us, but you, can hear the voice of God. You don't even believe in the deity of Christ! What kind of voice do you listen to anyway, thinking that voice you hear is God?
My advice to you is to stop listening to false teachers on YouTube and read your Bible!!! Wash your mind with the Word of God in a good Translation as you pray for the real Holy Spirit's guidance. You need to test the spirits that you are listening to!!! Don't sit in silence leaving yourself open to any and every spirit that wants to deceive you. That is not prayer. Actually talk and reason with your Creator. Don't waste your time listening to YouTube videos. Your discernment is too off. You seem to just find the false teachers on there. Be careful of videos that are posted on curezone. Many of those are filled with false teaching as well. Yes, we have some other posters who are in the same state you are in. It hurts me more to see you like this because we used to be friends. You have fallen so far. Tears, yes big tear drops!!! :( :( :(