Not a bad effort, but don't give up the day job just yet.
Your stanza structure/format is wrong. The rhyme words should appear at the end of at least 2 of the lines, not tucked away in the middle of each stanza.
Eg:
The harmonic tune danced like refreshing raindrops on the
surface of a tropical water lagoon
should look like:
The harmonic tune
danced like refreshing raindrops
on the surface of a tropical water lagoon
There are other mistakes, but I don't wanna discourage you too much.