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Re: Thinking You Are "I AM", Your definitely not but only a fake from the darkness.
 
loquat1 Views: 1,099
Published: 7 y
 
This is a reply to # 2,417,684

Re: Thinking You Are "I AM", Your definitely not but only a fake from the darkness.


Not a bad effort, but don't give up the day job just yet.

Your stanza structure/format is wrong. The rhyme words should appear at the end of at least 2 of the lines, not tucked away in the middle of each stanza.

Eg: 

The harmonic tune danced like refreshing raindrops on the 
surface of a tropical water lagoon
 
should look like:
 
The harmonic tune 
danced like refreshing raindrops 
on the surface of a tropical water lagoon
 
There are other mistakes, but I don't wanna discourage you too much.

 

 

 

 

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