jesus existed before the creation as a part of the father just as my sons existed before as a part of my dna. reality screams for you to see the truth and get real. the trinity is a man made doctrine. period. did you hear it from jesus? no. then he must not really be your god.
by the way, i use the term god and father interchangeably and i shouldnt. my apologies. the father has never been dead. jesus is not the father. heck, even the jews knew jesus wasnt calling himself the father, when he said that he and the father were one, they said he was making himself equal to the father in their eyes. he was not. the oneness principle is a study unto itself. you wont find it discussed in church.
John 5:18
Therefore the Jews sought the more to kill him, because he not only had broken the sabbath, but said also that God was his Father, making himself equal with God.