Hello is there anybody out there? Iím having a tough time today. I canít remember what my life was like before . I didnít realize how awful I look. I saw myself in the mirror today..my once full head of hair is now patches of I donít even know what to call it. My skin doesnít feel like my skin. I cannot wear skirts any longer. And I unfortunately have figured out that I have a parasite living in my head..my forehead to be exact. Right on my pineal gland. Iím scared.ever since we moved from a moldy home it has been one bad thing after another. My love had to go to the Er last night after noticing his foot swelling to the size of a pumpkin. He got some X-rays taken...I guess the dr didnít see anything wrong and labeled it an infection.
Iím tired so tired. I so badly want to give up. I made a promise to my partner That I wouldnít take my own life. I think about doing it everyday.i know that I have so much to be grateful for ... itís just that all those things I am grateful for are covered in parasites or weird fiber things.i have not been able to sleep much with the worm in my head.
I donít even know what kind of parasite it is this week. There are so many.
I want my life back . I want my life back. I want to find joy. I want to not feel ashamed about the way I look. I have been fighting and researching and medicating and trying to heal. Iíve lost so much . The only thing keeping me alive is my love for my partner. We were hoping to get married..to have kids... to have a happy little family.
Itís not going to happen. And I am so sad about it. The future that we had dreamed up and start ed to create is now a memory. Iím afraid of living this half life. I hate what this has done to me. I hate all the doctors that labeled us crazy instead of trying to help. I hate my parents for abandoning me..again. I hate thinking about how much I hate. I used to be a happy person with a job I loved, friends, and a wonderful boyfriend.
There is none of that left. Iím slowly losing my mind. Iím slowly losing my partner.. and the worst part is our dream home is infested . Just like our bodies. I hope I can make it through today..one Foot in front of tthe other.. Iíve had some tough times in my life. But this is beyond my realm of understanding what tough is . This is a nightmare that I havenít been able to wake up from. Iím scared. What will become of us?