Tomi, people are going to do what people do, and I know that fear and anger can be huge motivational factors to say, write, and do things that I wish I really hadn't.
The things for you to contemplate are wondrous things, not fearful ones. I cannot imagine how I managed to make it this far trying to do things my own way instead of the proper way. That's what it all boils down to: the willingness to surrender that control. It's certainly not easy, nor is it simple. It's also an ongoing practice at which I often fail. I just work on it, each day.
So, no worries. Sit, contemplate, and remain open. It's all good. :-)