I also sent you an email, or atleast I think I did. You did not reply , so perhaps you did not get it. IF so you can ignore this.
Have you ever tried St John's Wort? IT is important to use a tried and tested brand like Kira as many are not potent. I was skeptical as to wheather it would work.
I was on Paxil several years ago. IT worked, but makes you feel worse before you feel better and takes as long as six months to have effect. St Johns Wort was fantastic, much better than anything I have been on before. I felt so, so much better in just a few weeks and felt it working after a few days. It does not sedate you,,like many antidepressants do, instead it improves your mood, gives you a sense of contentment, improves your concentration and has the effect of stopping the spiral of negative thoughts, so that you change from being on a downward spiral to an upward one.
The thing about being deperessed is that you are forced to think about it all the time and the harder you try to overcome it the worse it gets...........And it sounds as if you have been trying very hard.You could also try making a list of positive things perhaps about ten, or even five and change the list every so often. First thing in the morning and last thing at night go over the list. This might help to change your brain chemistry
I am 38 and have had Depression to varying degrees most of my life, so I do empythise(excuse spelling).I have noticed in my case that it is directly related to my self esteem. OUr self esteem is our main coping mechanism. Have you ever noticed how some people are so good at inflating themselves and nothing knocks them down. They remind me of those plastic toy clowns that have a semi circular bottom half.........you can give them a good push and they just "boing" back up again. IF I had this ability I do not think I would have a problem.
Anyway good luck, and if you have not tried st John"s Wort or that particular brand. I think it is definately worth a shot.