Hope, you do have courage. You've been through so much; I've seen your posts over time.
You can't deny that what you are going through is huge, this is a terrifying obstacle for anyone to go through. I don't care who it is - from idiotic gangsters who would hurt someone over wearing blue, to the smartest, most educated PhD - this would be a menacing problem for everyone. You aren't weak, in fact, you've stayed strong and I admire you for it, and everyone else fighting this condition to the same degree.
'My heart is telling me to go. Do it. Don't let anything stand in your way. Be around people. They will give you what you need. And I'm going to do it. I intend to go out every chance I get. The only way to handle fear is to face it head on.'
You know who said that, and you know where to find them.... That person sounds really courageous, in fact, like a downright warrior, so they might be able to help you find the strength that's clearly within you.