One of the things trauma victims (rape, domestic violence, war, etc) have in common is a sort of schism. Its what causes the repression of the event as a primitive defense mechanism. I worked with clients diagnosed with explosive psychosis and schizo-related issues for a few years only to see first hand that there was almost always a trauma based root, repressed. One thing of much help is to not say 'I'm not that little girl' but to five the little girl inside of you what you needed at the time. I learned this strategy, not through work with the clients, but in my own therapy post trauma. It helped me and it helped my own approach to helping others help themselves. Muru, its a part of you, but it doesn't have to define you. Except maybe as someone else suggested, as a future helper of others who find themselves where you are at. You are not to blame either if someone reads your story as a way to feed their own issues. That's their issue. I post picsof my sons in their bathing suits on social media. Though only friends see it, I sure am not going to stop living, expressing, or sharing because baddies exist. Its fear and silence that make victims. And its taking responsibility for something that you cannot control, someone else's decisions and actions. I do agree that a therapist would be helpful for working through it, and if that's too one on one (I totally get that restim and fear) a support group. There's no pressure to share (the very nature of one to one therapy), and listening and seeing you are not alone is very helpful. It builds esteem, understanding, and bravery. Groups of survivors mixed with thrivers who have come for years keep it in balance, I think that's the secret to why support groups work. And anonyminity (so?). Probably why an online forum was a good start for you. So good for you taking that first step. If you're not ready to hug that little girl yet for yourself (which in these last few months you've probably gotten to that point) give her a hug from a higher power, god, Jesus, Buddha, Kate (what I named mine when I first started recovery many moons ago, after a dear, fun childhood friend). Because that spiritof higher power loves her/you, purely and is no baddie.