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JudahFirst Views: 1,052
Published: 17 years ago

I don't know how to do this...

I'm not sure why I'm posting this here ... it has nothing to do with fasting ... well, I guess it could be a kind of fast - from the most important person in my life. Sure wish it could just be 10 days. Anyone else here going to fast for the next 7 months?? I'm here now because it's 11:00 p.m., everyone else is asleep, and I'm up crying.

I don't know how I'm going to say goodbye tomorrow night. I'm so glad for the past 14 days! He spent all day today (and will spend most of the morning tomorrow) screening in the back deck. What a way to spend your vacation! He wanted to do it for us. And I have to be strong for the kids...

We start homeschool (all 3 of them this year) in about a week. I'm thinking of starting on Monday just to give us something to do besides grieve. I know, he isn't dying. Guess you have to walk this path to understand how gut-wrenching it is (and I realize that many of you reading this have indeed walked it, are walking it - and yes, there are worse paths). Meanwhile, I got a new job this week too. Something I haven't done in 12 years. Can anyone say, "insecure, inadequate, and inept"?? That's how I'm feeling tonight.

My willpower disappeared while he was here and I put on 5 pounds. Sunday I'm going back to juicing for 2 weeks. I'm thinking I should take my own advice (to someone else) and keep October's fast to juice and not the MC. I'm feeling too stressed for a major cleanse this soon. Perhaps in the Spring when he's on his way home. Oh, God, please bring him home.

Thanks for letting me vent. I feel better already. Oh, before I sign off, I want to share my favorite Bible verse with everyone: "And it came to pass..." I'm trying to remember that everything comes - TO PASS. The deployment will pass. The war WILL pass (hard to imagine, I know). Even your fasts will pass. Remember that when you feel like it will never end or you will never eat again. This too will pass. God bless you all!

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