aww Rainy (I love the membername) that is just so sweet of you and kind and I am very grateful as I need prayer so much right now.
Thank you and thank you for what you said about my testimony and helping others with it..well that is good to think it will bless others as I want my life to help others and this was in fact the quest of my life to help people. I have been blessed with a big heart.
God has been so present with me lately compared to usual and I saw when I tried to take a higher road and when I tried to do what God wants even a little, even if it is humbling or humiliating or so so honest it might be embarrassing, He is making His blessings so real and bringing good things from it.
I need prayer not only for full recovery but for being as nurturing to me as I am to others as tend to self neglect and for changing Depression to happiness, worry to trust and confidence, anger and hate to forgiveness, frustration to calmness and changing an extremely negative mindset.
also to heal of all the hurt and pain of others and life beating me up that had made me long for death and say I wish I was dead for much for a long time before cancer cam to gift me with what I thought and I then realized omg I want to live....so badly. I do not want to die.
I realized my negative thinking had strongly contributed to my cancer and if I do not change these decades long patterns, all the natural treatment in the world may not help me.
I must change my mind and it is hardest for me--I have lost a 100 pounds today and today was the first day I reached that goal (101 actually) I smiled when I saw the scale today and I can do the raw, the exercise, herbs and all that if I must but the negative thinking is so engrained and my life
My life continues to be so hard and challenging. Please pray I can change my thinking completely and be a different person in my thought life ad mentally and spiritually for that matter.
Also bothering me my brother who has been my best and only friend for 40 years started a huge fight with me the day I was bleeding so much and the very same day I found out I definitely have the deadly triple negative Breast Cancer and that cancer was in my blood vessel and probably spread..I was so distraught and one of the worst days in some time as I am terrified it will go to my brain or liver.
He has been super mean to me every since and I have no idea why..I tried 4 times to reconcile and he either screamed the whole time, talked over me so noone could hear or hung up on me, putting me down the whole time.
He is the only one who helps me with things I cant do physically etc and the only one who sees me regularly except those who see me just on holidays.
I need him tremendously and at my worst point he is gone and I am not sure if he is ever coming back or how I will do the things I need to do this week (I use a wheelchair and cant lift it myself etc) I have severe pain and cannot lift much. h drives me to appts.
Without his aid if it gets worst between us, I am not sure how I can do this nor not sure how to proceed.
I would like prayer, Rainy, that he can see what he did to me and not just say it was all me who this time did nothign at all (He does have schizophrenia but was fine until a week ago I thought he stopped his medical drugs as h said he was feeling so good he was going to which I advised strongly against as he has been doing so good with that and some herbs and this would change him for the worst right when I need him there-
That is a bad idea I said but maybe he quit them and that is what is going on.. he says he did not but that is usually when his personality changes) he has stopped them in the past and lied about it and need prayer that he gets back on the drugs for his schizophrenia if he stopped them.
and prayer that he can see the reality and wrongness of what he said and know I did not say or think the things he said I did and was blameless in this and that he apologizes and does not do it again as it is very hard to have this negativity right now when I am battling for my life.
My name is Jane
Thank you and anyone who prays for me so very much..may God bless you too.