My favorite method of meditation is going to that place of calmness as if you're about to lay in bed and sleep. I try to tap into that feeling by closing my eyes, making sure I have no thoughts at all (just imagine black and pay attention to breath), and just relaxing.
And you can google xanax addiction and withdrawal and see some horror stories.. But nah I didn't really need xanax anymore cause I'm naturally sort of calm so there wasn't much of a point. For me, xanax is kind of like a faux calmness, as if you're a zombie with no emotions and it's almost as if you're living in a dream haha. Not trying to knock it though. It's a great powerful drug for people that need it. If I took it now, it 99% of the time wouldn't be necessary and more for recreation. And I've never been interested in recreational drugs.
If you haven't already, you can try marijuana... It has different effects for every individual and I've never tried it, but my friends have told me it improves your mood. I know very little though. But some come in brownies! Haha.