Re: Want to kill myself but can't

It sounds like you are a VERY helpful person (a.k.a. CONVENIENT). You are certainly carrying your own weight (very responsible) AND MORE. What is your sister doing? What are your parents doing to help your situation by not making your sister help with the rent? It sounds like a family Conspiracy to dump everything on you. The worst part is that your child is watching, and, if this keeps up, will grow up learning to be just as irresponsible as your family, so it is time to realize that this is more serious than you thought. Right now, you are more concerned with your own feelings about being overburdened and that is why you want to kill yourself, but now that you realize that it is more serious because your child will also learn to be as irresponsible as your family, it would help you (in order to endure your present situation) to focus on the effect it is having on your child. I've learned (from personal experience) that suicidal feelings are basically selfish. Of course, it is no consolation, but it helps to realize that you are an AMAZINGLY responsible person. Without understanding the details of what seems to be an insane situation, one solution (NOT the IDEAL solution) would be to move, another would be family counseling, another would be marriage counseling, but you could probably accomplish ALOT with PROPER AND EFFECTIVE COMMUNICATION letting your husband know that you are a human being and not a machine. If your sister and parents can't see or care that you need help with bills and chores around the house(sounds like Cindarella), then you have a dysfunctional family and they need family counseling, but your husband has a God-given responsibility to you and your child. Do not stay silent, "Raise the roof" and make yourself known so that everybody concerned "pitches in". You are being convenient and enabling everyone to be irresponsible. Wake everybody up so they can see how lazy and irresponsible (and how indifferent to you) they are being. If you don't want to do it for yourself, do it for your child. Right now, it is obvious that no one is helping you, so, YOU help yourself and TAKE CHARGE of making the situation better. Take yourself out...to a museum or a movie or a classical music concert, or a library. Go to a restaurant and sit down with a cup of coffee, go to a book store and find out about free book reading seminars or clubs, inexpensive courses at public schools. ALL Music schools NEED to have performances that are FREE in order for their students to get the practice they need in front of audiences. The music school near me has almost half a dozen performances (mostly classical) every night. Put the words "Manhattan school of music" in the search bar of your browser and you'll see all of the concerts scheduled for the year (about 500) and they are free. Start treating yourself like a human being instead of a slave, and then other people will too. Tweet