My testimony about these things
This is an excellent post Vektek. It makes me think of all the multitude of times I sang that song as a child and really thought I meant it. I felt the presence of God and I could hear God speaking to me even as a child. I was very excited about Jesus in those days. I thought it would be like that for the rest of my life. As a child I studied in Sunday School class about how God kept leading His children around the mountain. I studied about their long trips in the wilderness, the desert, the many dry times. I remember thinking that those people were really stupid. They had seen the hand of God move in their lives many times. We have all read those great Bible stories with all those miracles He performed for them. I could never figure out how they could be so dumb to stop trusting God in those dry, wilderness, desert times. He had performed miracles for them many times over. Surely they must know He will do it again. He always helped them. Why would they think He would stop? How could they forget the things He had done for them.
Little did I know that the very same thing would happen to me some day. Little did I know that I would also someday become that stupid, that slow, and that dumb. It never sunk into my skull that someday God would also lead me to dry times to test my faith.
At first, when I couldn't feel His presence anymore, I thought God was mad at me. He didn't even speak to me anymore. I prayed and prayed and cried and cried. It did no good. I grieved like someone who had lost a dear loved one. I was very hurt by God withdrawing Himself from me. I would joke with a friend who was going through a similar experience saying, "God is dead, He must have died." She agreed with me. So I stopped praying. I stopped reading my Bible. I stopped seeking God. I felt it was doing no good. What a lie I believed from the devil. By that time I had doubted the very existence of God. I realized that now I was a full-fledged agnostic! That was the last thing I ever wanted to become. Besides all that, I could see nothing but fakery in people who claimed to be Christians. I wish I would have known just one person who I thought was real back then. Satan had me in full deception. Oh, if I would have just known to keep seeking God, He would have come through. He was watching me. He was there all along.
Along with my agnosticism came a life of sin and discouragement. This went on for many years. People were praying for me. Without those faithful prayers I really believe I would have been lost forever.
I had failed the tests that God had sent my way, but my Heavenly Father drew me back to Himself answering the prayers of His faithful. He revealed to me that He was real. Once I realized that, I knew I would be a fool if I didn't seek Him again.
I still had to pass His tests of my faith. He didn't let me off that hook. Oh, how things were so different this time around. This time I was determined to keep seeking Him even in the worst of the worst circumstances. I still had a wilderness that I had to walk through. This time I knew He was not dead. This time I knew that there is a God.
Yes, He still would withdraw Himself. Yes, I still couldn't feel His presence nor hear His voice, but I was determined to walk through that dry desert seeking Him because I knew He was real. Yes, I was scared. Then things started happening. My circumstances were so bad that He had to perform small miracles in my life to keep me. I saw Him perform one miracle after another for me. I knew it was Him. Without Him I would have never made it. I stopped being scared because I knew He was talking care of me. It actually became a very exciting experience. Fear was being replaced with excitement in my life as I watched Him move in my life. Fear was being replaced with faith. He was building my faith. With excitement I would wait for His next move to get me through my circumstances. He always came through for me and I was now at the point where I knew He would. My faith was increasing like never before. My spiritual roots in Christ were growing deep.
I was filled with the joy of the Lord even in the middle of the desert. I found this dry place to be the best place I had ever experienced in my life because I truly found God there. It was exciting and fun. A wilderness is not a true wilderness when you know your Heavenly Father, your Daddy, is there with you caring for you. All fear is gone. People could even see the peace and presence of the Lord on me, at times, to the point that they would even comment about it.
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You quoted, "Other times I won’t be in a sweet frame. I'll be in the desert. Reading scripture will be work, prayer will seem excruciating, and I won't have the slightest sense of the presence of God.
In the sweet times I'm tempted to believe that God delights in me because of my devotion. In the dry times I'm tempted to despair of God ever loving me."
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It seems like God likes to play hide and seek with us, but He does it for good reason. He hides Himself so He can watch to see if we will still seek Him, or how hard we will now seek Him. He wants to see if we will still trust Him.
I am no longer tempted to despair of God ever loving me during dry times. I've just been through too much with Him to think like that anymore. I just know better now. In fact, I now know that when my prayers and worship are similar to an experience of trying to juice a box of crackers and then drinking the cracker juice, that I am getting through to Him just as much, if not more, than if I felt His sweet presence and heard His voice speaking to me. He is probably even more pleased with those dry periods of seeking Him because He knows how hard it is for us to stay with it.
Don't think He is not there during those dry periods. Don't think He is not watching us to see what we will do. I know He is there watching our efforts to reach Him. I know He is a rewarder of those who diligently seek Him. He wants to see just how diligent we can be. He wants to see how much we want Him. He wants to see just how much of a price we are willing to pay to touch Him. He will not disappoint us if we seek Him diligently whether the times are dry or in the "sweetest frame".