Thank you Auntie!

Auntie,

I found your post eloquent and deeply touching. Thank you! You reminded me of a couple things. I remember being young and having those feelings of pure joy and excitement (running through the rain, splashing in puddles, going to disneyland tomorrow excitement) - I was very active and loved drama and writing. All those feelings, or the ability to feel them left me as I hit the depression. One of the best parts about the Depression finally lifting is I am starting to feel those feelings here and there again. This is like gold to me. I also believe that not expressing my creative side can make me really sick again, so I try to acknowledge everything that comes out. And I will take your advice and reeally try to listen to what is going on inside. Perhaps I have a hidden landscaper in there as well!

Also, your mention of what medications can do reminded me of something. I too had horrible debilitating anxiety/panic attacks for a long time. The doctors put me on clonopin which is similar to valium. The amazing thing I learned about these drugs is they ended up eventually CAUSING and then ESCALATING my panic attacks (have since read some stuff that supports this, but oddly, you sure don't hear about that neat little detail from doctors). Oh sure, they worked for a couple of hours, but being addictive, it took more and more and more to work. Oddly, my anxiety got worse and worse and worse as I was on this medication. Strangely, when I stopped taking it (a terrifying and painful process), once my body evened out I have not had panic attacks since. Although there was a few months lag there where I still got them they eventually went away. It definitely took a lot of work and again, this discovery happened by accident.

Blessings!

Ali Tweet