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Re: Starting Day 6 ... Rash around breast questions
 
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Published: 6 years ago
 
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Re: Starting Day 6 ... Rash around breast questions


I just read the post again where she says "eyes on the prize," and it WAS powerful. She adds that the prize is GREAT HEALTH. You I think add that our mindset is the only way to get past obstacles. How true this is for me, I guess. I know my obstacles seem to be all mental. I am VERY prone to thinking that fasting isn't "worth it." I really desire to understand this mindset. And come up with a mental approach that works through it in a way that is lasting and satisfying. What words are my negative impulses telling me -- how would I put these negative "quit the fast" impulses? They like all "automatic thoughts" come so quickly it is hard to hear exactly what they are saying, and one has to "catch" them; they don't want to be heard. They come so fast. When you TRY to hear their exact words sometimes they shy away altogether. Sometimes I guess the feelings they create are so intense, you can only ACT on the feelings, you can't even listen to discern the words of the thoughts that created them. ...I am talking I guess mostly about my experiences with cravings for food, both at fasting and non-fasting times. I'll daily get in the car and drive to the store against my own will. This is my life-condition most of the time -- since I do have chronic illness, some kind of liver issue -- I need to fast, I'm living in a condition where I need to fast, but I am constantly overwhelmed by compulsions to eat, an addiction to food. What are the thoughts that force me to drive to the supermarket, and what can I say back to them?

... I think the thoughts that trap me in my food addiction mostly run along lines of "I CANNOT STAND life without this rush of food" or "There is nothing other than food that would ever make me happy and I NEED to experience this release."

What can I ever say back to these thoughts? The thoughts that come alongside are like: "Everything about my life is ruined already. I will never have a career or children, so I might as well keep eating [destroying myself." ...What can I say to this? What can I say to make fasting and achieving health seem worthwhile?

I mean I guess I need a coach or professional help. But those people will only bully, shame, and try to frighten me about fasting, or abandon me if I fast. Maybe lock me up! All basically because I am a slim person. They are all so f*cking fearful of fasting. I f*cking am so angry. And fasting clinics and fasting support networks are the worst and most fearful of all and bully me the most. What am I ever to do? Seriously NO ONE i have EVER met in the professional OR nonprofessional helping world accepts my particular need to fast, although it is so GLARINGLY OBVIOUS. I hate the world and am so furious with it for ruining my life. ... Actually, I am remembering now a therapist I had , very long term, about 5 years, who always supported my fasting. She would encourage me when I would fast successfully, and once she said "I notice you do these fasts, and it does help you." She was talking about my short fasts. I have only ever fasted short fasts.
They help but not nearly enough. I need long fasts. But so maybe not absolutely everyone is a troglodyte. And my food addiction has been the worst ever in my life these past 3 years and I have also been out of therapy these past 3 years. I have always told all my therapists every detail of my efforts to fast. I just am so furious about how terrifying it is to tell them and how I am never absolutely sure what they think about it. I am never really sure of their support. It is so scary as well to go within, get honest, really challenge myself asking "do I really want to fast?" and find my own inner support for stopping my food addiction and fasting. I am just so terrified it won't be there. that my desire to fast will not be real or valid. I am very very sad about this. Why shouldn't I fast? I have the clearest impulses to do so. But the food addiction just overwhelms me.

I am on day 3 and tomorrow day 4 will be the more-than-halfway point to my first goal of seven days' fasting. Please God that I make it.
 

 
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