Thanks for your reply. I have read it several times and I try to get out of it as much as possible.
Your replies are wise,deep and full of meaning.
For the moment I guess I´m just struggling, and doing the best I can.I´ll try to be less harsh with me and you are right I´m seeing red flags everywhere to protect myself,because I need to protect my vulnerable self. Hopefully I can find a way to heal and get out of this.