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Life's unfair
 
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Published: 17 years ago
 

Life's unfair


Last summer my girlfriend went home (to another country)to help her family out.I had just realized that I love her and was going to live with her when she returned.Then I had an incident that left me with anxiety and depression.Oh has my life changed. Is it realisticlly possible to carry on a relationship when you have these diseases?I don't want to ruin her live by having her live with someone who has these illness.I am not the same person that I use to be.Life for me now sucks.I haven't smiled once since this happened to me.I am having troubles at work. I may even go on disablity if I can get it.I have all the horrible symptoms that people with anxiety and Depression have.I may have even more symptoms such as being scared of everything which was so unlike how I use to be.I remember how we use to lie down on the couch ( one at one end the other at the other end) and oh how relaxing that was.Now I am never relaxed and oh how I miss doing that with her.I use to love sleeping with her and just staying there all morning with her.Now I need medicine to do that. I could just scream I am so mad at myself for what has happened to me.Every time I take that crap (medicine) I get depressed because it reminds me of that miserable day that I got this horrible disease.I worry about things all the time and I know that there is no way for me to change now.I went through hell last summer and realize that you just don't recover from a beating like I took.The damage that I inflicted on myself was brutal.It was so bad that I think that I will always be scared of life. I have tried medicines hyptonotists, kava,pshsociologists,fish oils and what ever.All I am doing now is just enjoying my girlfriend the best that I can for as long as I can. I know it won't be what I was hoping last summer it would be because I will never be the same person that I use to be.I am so tired of getting just that little bit of hope that I may return to the way that I use to be but then again reality returns its ugly head and the anxiety and Depression return.Oh how I wish when I first started going out with her did I realize just how great she was. Maybe I wouldn't be in this mess that I am now facing.Sorry for rambling on but sometimes its all I have to let out my frustrations.I just don't know how people live with this it sucks so bad.Its because I want my old life back that I ask this question.If you were really devasted with anxiety and Depression is it realistic to assume that you can ever be rehablitated again or should I just forget about my girlfriend and place myself in a hospital and live my life out as a mummy?Has or does anyone who has had a nervous breakdown ever really get better?
 

 
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