One word...suicidal...that means to me that you need electrolyte balancing. I know because my own mental state was changed instantly.
Please try it, my friend.
Use a full bath, or a footbath, or a hand bath.
Make sole (pronounced so-lay) by filling a jar (large) with Himalayan Salt Crystal rocks and adding clean water to fill. Let sit overnight. There should be crystals left in the jar in the morning.
The water left in the jar is a 26% saturation. Water will not accept any greater of a concentration.
Then take a measure of the sole water and put it into, say, a footbath container. Add 26 measures of clean, warm water to bring the bath to the ideal 1% solution (For you, I'd say to use at least 3 cups of sole water, in a fairly big tub, and to add 26 X 3 = 78 cups of clean, warm water.)
Soak your feet in this tub for 20 - 30 minutes. Longer is of no use because your skin is genetically programmed to take in and give out minerals that are excessive or deficient to an appropriate balance. (Wonderful stuff, skin!)
The average bathtub takes 1 kg. of crystals to bring the bath to an approximate 1% solution. The crystals don't melt quickly so use the finest grind (called 'table' grind). You could even melt them in a bucket overnight.
I was afraid of dying one night. A friend suggested this as a footbath, and the salt volume as 1/2 to 1 cup. I used the whole cup, and stuck my feet in.
Nothing happened, except that I had a fairly pleasant warm footbath.
Bored, I went to bed, and slept well.
In the morning, when I was walking downstairs, I suddenly noticed that I felt fine...not even a niggle of fear.
I doubt that it is necessary. but I am currently planning a three-day round of Himalayan Crystal Mineral Salt baths, just in case. When I have taken the full baths, I lay in the water and drizzled it over the parts of me out of the water.
After about half an hour I was bored and waiting to be elated, or something. It didn't happen, except that I felt nice and clean and no worries. THAT was wonderful, believe me. It is a perfect time to sleep.
The lady there takes a teaspoon of the sole water in a glass of clean water each morning.
These salts are the dried up residue of an ancient ocean...250,000,000 years old. It is located in the Himalayan mountains and there are other places around the world where such salts can be found.
Some sneer that it is 'Pakistani road salt'. Of course it is! If you had such a deposit near you, and you needed salt for your roads, what would you use?
Please, please try this, my friend. Your skin will NOT let anything negative happen to you. In fact, your skin is constantly taking in, and pushing out, the exactly right amounts of minerals and moisture, whenever it comes in contact with them.
All the body is a wonderful machine, working tirelessly for us, whether we know it or not.
Be splendidly well, and think about what is right.