Thanks for your insight, I loved reading what you said. My mother is exactly the same. I have been battling with this for the last 3 yrs. I finally realized what she was all about after 50 yrs. A long time yes I know but I never knew why she was the way she was.
And you are right, those with BPD can mask who they really are. The way she treated me as a child no one knew and even if I opened my mouth they would never believe she could be so cruel. Not good for anyone to grow up like that but it does help to know you are not alone and that your feelings are validated.
I don't know where to go for support on this exact subject other than reading any book I can get my hands on about others in similar situations. I had to cut off my relationship with her completely in order to heal my life. It has helped a little but I mourn all those wasted years and am now struggling with how my life could have been had she been more of a mother to me instead of herself.