Day 13/60 - I CRACKED!!!!
Damn.....I should have listened to 'wateroflife'. I cannot believe that I actually cracked. Here is the breakdown....
I went to pick up my mom from work and she made a small container of really good lasagna for me. I told you all in my previous posts that my mental cravings had subsided for about a day or so, then raged up really fast, especially for pasta. I was going to drop her off at home and leave asap. She wanted me to stay and help her out in the kitchen!!!
As soon I started helping her she asked why I was not eating and why I looked so angry. The truth of the matter is that, I was raging angry on the inside because my mental cravings were flaring up like flames, and the pasta was sitting right there, plus my mom was hounding me on why I wasn't eating. I only meant to take a small bite, chew it up, and put it in a napkin, and rinse my mouth with water. I ended up tearing into the lasagna like a friggin' bear. I just could not stop myself. I kept eating until every last drop was gone. I even licked the container clean...lol.
Now you'd think I felt bad enough eating that, but right afterwards I warmed up some chili and added extra cheese! I gulped that down like a lion. Then I had 2 juice boxes and even went out and hit taco bell pretty hard. I got a cheesy gordita crunch, an XXL grilled stuffed burrito, and a medium fruit punch with no ice.
Damn!!! The reason I said that I should've listened to 'wateroflife' is because this person told me that the food is not worth breaking the fast once I eat it. To tell the honest truth, it was not worth it at all. I was just eating for the sake of eating! There was a point where I was full and still kept going like a stubborn fool.
What I will do now is restart the fast tomorrow and go from there. My new technique will be to make sure that I get my water intake, and polish it off with a good mouthful or two of lime sparkling water just for taste. This time I definitely will not stop.
I know I am fully capable of doing a full fast to completion. There was absolutely nothing wrong with me physically, it was more of a mental struggle.
I have gained a new understanding of the fasting process. I feel as though I really need to just relax and stop thinking so much about food. I blame no one but myself.
Look out for my new post tomorrow!! Also thank you all for your continued support!
Cheers,
D