I noticed an error I would like to correct in my post. "When I was backslidden even in my confused mind, I knew I still had some gifts. That kind of freaked me out since I wasn't even sure that there was a God, but any fruit that I once had was pretty withered up." It was actually only one gift that I noticed I had that freaked me out. I thought I would correct this in case this is important to any reader. I apologize. I noticed other mistakes in my grammar, but I will leave them. The context of the message is what is important. I was very tired when I wrote it. We can't edit anymore.