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Who could blame you?! Re: I'm tired of posting here asking for help.
 
unyquity Views: 2,917
Published: 8 years ago
 
This is a reply to # 1,873,446

Who could blame you?! Re: I'm tired of posting here asking for help.


 

 

For those that aren't familiar with benzodiazepine withdrawal symptoms, PLEASE check out the partial list at the bottom of this post.

jboy, you are dealing with THE most insidious drug withdrawal that is known to man.  People that have been through heroin withdrawal (and other drug addictions/withdrawal) all agree that they'd rather go through anything than EVER going through benzo withdrawal.  In all the research I did learning about benzos, I went to forums and read posts of seriously hard-core, "lifetime addicts".  Over & over & over again I saw these life-long junkies warning others never to use benzos!  Seriously, these folks were talking about various ways to score methadone and which combinations of hard-core opiates produce the best/cheapest 'high'...while warning and reminding each other never to use benzos for more than a few days every few months.  Cut yourself some slack! (you deserve it!!!)  I've never read of ANYone going through benzo withdrawal that has less problems than you're dealing with...and there are many that have cut twice as slowly that have had far worse symptoms.  It's not fair that you're having to deal with this...not in ANY way.  But you are dealing with it - and anybody that has even half a clue understands that you're dealing with it as good as anybody else can.

Who could blame you? Certainly not me (and certainly not Rocky).  I'm 52 (twice your age) and Rocky's about to turn 58.  I just asked him "When you were 26, would you have juiced a GALLON a day and dealt with benzo/health issues as good as jboy has?"  The answer was an IMMEDIATE "Not a chance, not a *blanking*chance! - the dude has a rock-solid 'backbone' and more courage and stick-to-it-ness than I ever dreamed of having when I was 26.  The only thing he has going against him as man is his age."  And of course, we both agree...you've got a LOT more going against you 'as a person' (like all of us) than that.  What? (and don't even bother to read these if you're feeling frazzled & overwhelmed - I know this is a long post)

--CureZone used to be FILLED with all kinds of people that had tons of common-sense and healing wisdom.  The newsletters used to be full of healing testimonies, and it seemed like every week you'd see new testimonies & victories in almost every forum. But over the last few years, it's become a bunch of people relying upon "science" and prescribing nutriceuticals & isolated/unnatural "supplements' exactly like doctors prescribe drugs.  No one is EVER sick or compromised in ANY way because of a "lack of isolated/fractionated and totally unnatural supplements".  Yet 9 3/4 times out of 10, that's what we're all bombarded with on CZ.  Somehow or another people think the same "science" and concepts that don't work for MD's and "modern medicine" will work if the 'drugs' are made from labortory isolated plant-parts, rather than drugs. 

(Sheesh, I'm looking at your posting history, and in your very first post you reported "itching" after taking acidopholis & starting an anti-candida diet, telling others you'd had similar itching after drinking alcohol in the past...obviously equals some level liver compromise, eh? Yet the responders suggested "allergy", lack of antioxidants and lack of zinc & selenium.  You experience some die-off and people suggest unnatural substances without even asking if you're taking any drugs, what you'd taken in the past, what your normal diet was like, what other issues were involved, and how many/what kind of cleanses you'd done in the past. :::eyeroll::: brilliant, eh? Just like doctors - "You've got itching issues? Have some steroids or Xanax", only on CZ it's "Have some unnatural isolated plant chemicals")

--"Alternative" medicine used to be something different...the 'professionals' we turned to were of the ilk of Schulze & Christopher (or at least many of them were)...they were healers, that treated our bodies as an entire organism, not just a bunch of 'parts is parts'.  But in the last few decades, that's all gone to crap, too.  Get a 'degree' and a plaque to hang on the wall (and a few brands of supplements to line the shelves) and some kind of gizmos to do "scientific testing" (or a good connection with a lab)...and they're not that much different than MDs (well, the MDs drive Mercedes/Lexus and the NDs can only afford Lincolns If I had $10 for everytime I've read about folks spending thousands of dollars with NDs, naturopaths, kinesiologists, accupuncturists and all variety of "alternative doctors" (only to end up far worse than they were when they started), I'd have my husband sitting on that Harley that he SO deserves!  

 

So you (and the rest of us) are 'up against all that', and many feel isolated and 'on their own' ...some even having to fight for their right to ingest natural healthy foods, juices and clean water (remembering 'ray'), or being somehow coerced/forced into taking meds.   Our best IS the best we can do.  None of us are ever alone - there are tens/hundreds of thousands of people just like us all over the country (and "millions against monsanto"!). 

jboy, you are up

 

Not that it's anyone heres fault, I guess it's mine. I just don't get how i'm getting so much worse after trying everything. I did the juicing, a gallon a day with superfood and kelp. I WAS able to work all summer, I was able to live. Now i'm barely able to leave the house, I upped my valium dose, that doesn't seem to be the problem.  When I'm stressed (especially if I'm feeling defeated), I turn to 'basic facts' to help me sort it all out.  Throughout the rest of my response I've given you some I hope help you:

 

--some of  the symptoms your reporting are very (very!) similar to the ileocecal valve issues you've had in the past.  The intense itching and breathing issues are known symptoms of benzo withdrawal.

 

--you made a cut that is bigger than the experts recommend, and you used bentonite around the same time.  Think of a test tube filled with water.  When you cut more than 10%, that was going to make a small difference in the level of the water over a period of two weeks.  When you took the bentonite, it sucked out a LOT of water, all at once!  Upping your dose will eventually bring the level of water in the tube back to a stable level again (remember the first time you stabilized? It took longer than just a few days or a week).  You're going to have to stabilize before you're going to be able to determine anything solidly.

--no one's body is EVER in the same state from day to day (let alone week to week, month to month).  Example: a problem with the ileocecal valve can produce Symptoms ABC initially, but 3 months later the same problem can produce Symptoms AYBZ & D. 

--the smallest and very last cut of a benzo can be worse and have completely different effects than what's been experienced in the past.  Symptoms can and will change dramatically when going through withdrawal. 

after reading more, i'm beginning to think this is a salicylate reaction. I just ate some soup that had tomatoe in it and other veggies and not even 10 minutes later i'm extremely itchy and my breathing is shallow and rapid.  That's possible - but it would be pretty odd to just 'all of a sudden' develop a sensitivity to salicylates out of nowhere.  You've had 'extremely itchy' when you don't ingest salicylates...and the itching has been ongoing (if I remember correctly, it stopped when you had the ileocecal issues under control).  But it can definitely be benzo-related, too

I was reading in the candida forums about people chelating with DMSA and seeing results rather rapidly. I almost want to try it but I know that's not a natural approach to healing and I don't want to make myself worse i'm already on the edge. I'm just so lost. The kinesiologist said I don't have any metal toxicity but who knows. Something caused my candida, maybe just the 5+ years of antibiotics. Even 6 weeks on antibiotics can harm GI health and create a candida overgrowth - 5 years is definitely a major cause.  But whatever the cause, the cure's the same.  Get rid of the 'decaying organic matter' upon which they feed and make sure you're getting lots of natural probiotic foods via foods & kefirs.   I know how badly you want to find the 'magic bullet' that will explain & solve everything...but I have to be honest, I don't think there is a 'magic bullet', and I am sure that while you're experiencing both benzo side-effects AND benzo withdrawal effects, you can drive yourself crazy trying to find answers.  There are folks on benzo forums that had all their teeth pulled and got dentures (it was benzos); I've read of several people having surgery on their spine for spasms & seizures that were caused by benzos...I'm sure you've seen all kinds of things like that.  Please be very (very!) careful and always (always!) check the full lists of benzo withdrawal symptoms you have any/everytime you make a cut and experience a symptom.

I'm having trouble breathing, my breath is shallow. I've tried the deep breathing. My skin gets itchy all the time now eating almost any food.so then it's not just foods that have salicylates, right? all i'm eating is brown rice and lentils. The lump in my throat is back. It feels like no matter how big of breaths I take i'm not gettin oxygen, and it feels like it's in my stomach if that makes sense. 
As long as it's as free of toxins as possible, eat whatever you feel you can eat without causing symptoms (of course, sugar and carbs that are known to worsen candida issues should be avoided).  

 

Just checking...are you still sleeping on the Earthing sheet? If so, have you tested it lately to make sure you're still getting a green light? 

I had to quit work again. I'm sorry, jboy...I am really sorry this has happened to you.

I'm lost again. I'm 26, I can't believe this is all happening. I've lost too much weight. I did the parasite cleanse, I did the kidney cleanse. I'm 120 lbs, i'm starving! i'm so hungry, I just want a plate of potatoes with gravy and some hearty soup and something filling. Eat what you want (as long as it doesn't cause bad reactions.  In the middle of benzo-hell is no time to be starving yourself.  Even the allopathic benzo-experts recommend staying away from sugar, alcohol & stimulants...so avoid those.  From the benzo-withdrawal symptom list below:

Appetite Increased or decreased appetite, extreme thirst, Rapid weight loss, nausea, vomiting



My ileocecal area hurts lately, lots of liquid/gas trapped there to. I'm doing slippery elm to help I guess. Drinking water distilled only. I wonder if the clay/psyllium is still trapped inside my somewhere. 
Check out this link (lots of good instructions & tutorials for ileocecal valve massage): http://www.google.com/search?q=massage%2C+technique+%22ileocecal+valve%22&... 

Someone said it might be a salicylate allergy?

I have a hard time relaxing/sleeping cause the breathing issue, it's like I have to force myself to breathe. I just don't get it....I don't know what to do anymore. Every doctor is freaking clueless, I thought this might be benzo. I've never got itchy from benzo, and it happens right after certain foods. This breathing problem is only within the past week or two. When I start to fall asleep it's like I forget to breathe and it's wakes me up. I'm sitting here no struggling to breathe. Feels like my stomach is pushing on my lungs or something. If the breathing started within the past two weeks, that correlates with the benzo-cut and bentonite.  From the list below again:

Respiratory System Breathing difficulties, breathlessness, hyperventilation (overbreathing)

While "itchy" is a benzo symptom, it's also something you've been dealing with for a long time...and it's also a symptoms of ileocecal valve issues.  That it happens after eating also makes it seem like the valve.  I read recently that the

I just want to escape, i want a real disease with a diagnosis. God bless you , jboy...you keep looking for a real disease with a real diagnosis and you already have it :(  You have an iatraogenic addiction to benzodiazepines (iatrogenic means: caused by a doctor); you have ileocecal valve issues and candida.  Every one of your symptoms can be explained by those things.  The best thing you can do is the thing you don't want to hear or do (and I totally understand why)...you need to make SURE that you never-ever cut more than 10% of your previous dose at any time and never make cuts closer than 2 weeks apart.   There are going to be some foods that were 'the best' and a month later you won't be able to tolerate them...that's just how it is with benzo-withdrawal.   If you can get to chiropractor that's experienced with the ileocecal valve issues, then do that asap...and ask him what he/she thinks about colonics. My mom doesn't even listen anymore, she just says everything is going to be ok and ignores me cause i've cried wolf so many times. Nobody gets it, doctors dont care if I live or die they just want money.  I want a fecal transplant to restore my gut flora. I tried looking for a doctors in portland, or that does fecal transplants, I read about it but I can't seem to find one.
Whoa back, yikes...I do not think that's a good idea with an ileocecal valve issue!  It's bad enough your own waste is backing up into your small intestine where it's not supposed to be (and causing all kinds of problems), but to insert someone elses fecal matter (totally foreign to your body) just might cause a disaster.  Even with feces from an infant, there's all kinds of issues (particularly, because babies have usually been vaccinated, and may have all kinds of virus issues from the vaccines).  Please remember, you weren't having these issues when you were stabilized with the benzos and you had the valve issues under control.

This isn't fair. I totally agree!

Sorry for ranting and whining. I know the answers are already here. I just don't understand what's happening to me right now. I was able to handle the symptoms before, i was able to work. Well, the one thing we know for sure is that there was a cut that was too big and the bentonite (that could have dropped your levels seriously).  I don't think you're ranting & whining...I think you're hurting and scared (just like ANY of us would be).  And I really do believe that once you're restabilized and give that IC valve some attention, you'll be feeling much much better!

I'm scared to take anymore if1 cause my ileocecal area hurts.  Then don't take them...you can always do a gentle warm-water if you need to

I don't even know what i'm asking, i'm just venting, cause I dont have anyone anymore.
I wish I could be there to help you (and so do many other people that care about you on this forum).  You do have our love and concern (even though I know it's not like someone being with you).

***

I made my own kefir a while back but it gave me intense reactions. Made it with the sugar(not white, i forget name) and then the dry fruit. Also tried some store bought ones(GT Synergy) but then I read they are very acidic. I suppose I could make my own again, i'll have to order the grains from you though. Other than that it's just pill form refrigerated probiotics. Was that water kefir or dairy kefir? I think I remember you saying somewhere that you liked sauerkraut.  That's SUPER easy to make - so perhaps you could do that, too :)

It's like I have this constant anxiety now and I am not even doing anything, i'm wondering if the clay really messed up my benzo levels, do I need to up my dose even more? or ride this out... I think the bentonite was a major-player...and I suggest riding it out for a few more days (if you can).  It takes a couple of weeks to stabilize after a big drop in plasma level (and your GABA system is so depleted/exhausted, that when a big cut/drop happens, you will get symptoms you never had before).

Last night after eating that soup I was up until 4am, long passed my bed time, itching and extreme anxiety. It's like most foods give me this reaction now. I woke up and still have anxiety and restless legs like none other.  Yep, with IC valve issues, ALL foods can cause a reactions...and you already know restless legs/anxiety = benzos.

I wish I could take away what's been done to you...and I especially wish I could take away the roads you have to travel to regain your health.  But the truth is (like they say on the benzo boards) - the only way out is through.  The good thing is that you're well past the half-way point and once you're stabilized again, you will feel MUCH better.  The most important thing is (and likely one of the hardest) is to accept the fact that this is going to take as long as it takes...and any time you try to "hurry it up", it will slow things down (and make you feel even worse).  Slow, steady, stable...these things are likely the hardest, but they're the most important.

You have made it this far when many very strong people have 'cashed it in' .  You should be proud of yourself and patting yourself on the back for dealing with this as well as you have.  I admire your courage; I admire your strength; and I admire YOU!  If I had a little baby boy, I'd want him to spend time with you so he could learn to have some of your good traits & attributes. (And I'm not just 'saying that', I really mean it).  Hang in there, jboy...there is an end to benzo hell, and if you hang tough you WILL regain every bit of vibrancy, strength and freedom you once had!!!

Blessings and more blessings -

Unyquity

 

 

Just a few of the many symptoms that ANYONE dealing with benzodiazepine withdrawal can experience:

Gastrointestinal Abdominal pains, cramps, diarrhea, bloated, diarhea, constipation, cramping, Dry throat, Dyspepsia (indigestion)
jaw/mouth/head Aching or painful jaw, dental/tooth pain, band around head, Bruxism (teeth grinding), Dysphagia (difficulty eating or swallowing), Increased or decreased saliva, Painful or tingling scalp, pains in temple, migraine, severe headaches, twitching of the head
joints/muscles Aching joints, aching muscles, shaking. myoclonic jerks, severe muscle rigidity
Behaviour Aggressive behaviour, Agitation, Hyperactivity, hysterical or inappropiate laughter, Irrational rage, Irritability, obsessive behaviour
Phobia's Agoraphobia, fear of being alone, fear of insanity, fear of losing control, fear of water, monophobia (fear of being alone)
Allergic reactions hayfever, rash, blotches on skin
Anxiety Anxiety, Dyspnea (breathing difficulty), Fear, feelings of impending doom, Nervousness, Panic attacks, thoughts and feeling that you are dying
emotions Apathy, Hostility, Rapid mood changes, unusually sensitive (unable to watch the news on television or read the newspaper)
Depersonalisation arms and legs feel detached from body, feel like you don't exist, look strange/unfamiliar in the mirror
Urinary Tract System Bladder incontinence, Bleeding between menstrual cycles, urinary frequency and urgency, (continence or incontinence)
eyes/vision Blepharospasm (eye twitches), Blurred vision, seeing spots/flashes of light, vivid vision, double vision, dilated pupils, rapid eye blinking, waves, sparks and
perceptional disturbances body feels like jelly, objects appear to be leaning, distortions and inanimate objects moving, feeling of the ground moving, hypersensitivity to light, sound, touch and other stimuli, sensation of brain moving within the skull, feelings of extreme cold or hot, itching
Respiratory System Breathing difficulties, breathlessness, hyperventilation (overbreathing)
Sensorary Burning, electrical shocks,
Balance clumsiness, Dizziness, Gait disturbance, Lack of co-ordination, Loss of balance, vertigo
Appetite Increased or decreased appetite, extreme thirst, Rapid weight loss, nausea, vomiting
Mental status changes Delirium, confusion, psychosis, disorientation, hallucinations (auditory, tactile, visual), Dysphoria (inability to feel pleasure or happiness), Excitability, Paranoia
Depression suicidal thoughts, negative thinking, lack of hope for teh future, early morning waking
Derealisation Feelings of unreality
Skin itching, tingling, burning, electrical sensations
Peripheral Nervous System Electric shock feelings, Burning sensations, numbness, altered sense of touch, nerve pain, neuralgia, Paraesthesia, Pins and needles
Energy levels Extreme lethargy, Flu-like symptoms, tiredness, energyless
Hallucinations feelings of worms under scalp, Formication (sensations of bugs crawling on skin), fuzzy feeling in head (tactile hallucinations),
Memory/Cogitive function flashbacks, impaired memory, inability to comprehend the simplest things, inability to cope with a lot of information, Lack of concentration, amnesia, short-term memory impairment, Speech difficulties
Heart Fluctuations in blood pressure, Heart palpitations, Heartburn, heavy pounding heart, Mild hypertension (See doctor about these symptoms to be on safe side)
Nervous system responses Hyperreflexia (Exaggeration of reflexes.)
Sleep disorders Hypnogogic hallucinations (usually auditory of a single loud voice or bang as drifting off to sleep), Insomnia, Nightmares, restless legs in bed
Sexual Impotence, Libido disturbances (usually decreased sex drive rarely increased)
Body neck and shoulder pain, Loss of control of the movement, Muscle spasms, Muscular aches and pains, muscular rigidity, pains in neck and shoulders, perspiring, night sweats, severe sweating, Pseudo-Multiple sclerosis (Medically documented cases of misdiagosed MS who have recovered after withdrawal), Tremor, feeling of inner vibration, shaking (occasionally epileptic seizures from abrupt withdrawal from high doses) Speak to doctor if you suffer seizures these can sometimes endanger life!
Personality Severe changes in personality, loss of interest in people and things, loss of self respect, total loss of confidence, vulnerable personality
Taste and appetite Loss of taste or metallic taste, reduced or increased appetite, nausea, vomiting, weight loss or gain
Female problems Menstrual irregularities, Menstrual problems (painful periods, irregular periods, cessation of periods)
Thought problems Morbid thoughts, Obsessions or obsessional repetative thinking, Persistent, unpleasant memories, suicidal feelings (see doctor if you feel you will act on them)
Motor System Restlessness, Shaking
Hearing Altered sense of sound (Louder or distorted), Tinnitus (buzzing or ringing in the ears)
 

 
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