This is great:
"Anyway, for the first few days of the diet your body will be like 'what. the.f***.just.happeneed. where is my f***ing sugar? BREAD GIVE ME BREAD'. couldn't get out of bed for 3 days. "
I almost peed I laughed so hard...feel sorry for you but I know the feeling! That's a detox I think, I did the same thing when I went gluten free years ago.