I'm not even taking bee pollen, it gives me bad anxiety and too much energy, same thing when I take b12. it turns my brain "on" but there is a mental block an that creates anxiety.
Why am I not eating better...I don't have time. I work 12 hour days, i'm exhausted. I barely make it through the work day. When I get home I feel like crying and sleeping. I have 3 hours everynight before bed. It takes an hour to juice my 3 bottles of juice an make my rice. I DID JUST CUT OUT SALT. I won't be eating it.
I still take IF1 daily. The ileocecal valve pain is going away somehow.
I'm not gonna mess with the if2 again for a while. I just don't see how it coulda affected me so quickly, my benzo levels I mean. I thought it took a week for any benzo changes to take place.
I'm still cutting 1mg a week an it seems to be going better than the 2.5 every 2 weeks, that gave me INTENSE REACTIONS. Insomnia, night sweats, crying, paralyzed limbs when sleeping etc..
I'm tryin so hard, i just dunno what to do. I HAVE to work, I don't have money anymore. I sold everything I had to be able to afford to eat healthy an heal myself naturally. My insurance is gone in 3 days from my mom cause i'm turning 26.
I wanna get tested for lyme cause someone said it can show no symptoms an lower your immune system an the IP wont cure it. he said after he got rid of lyme his candida was cured in amonth.
I got parasites, candida, benzo addiction. the candida messes with my gaba receptors cause the alcohol, an so does the parasites. so even when I get off the benzos i'm gonna be in trouble I think and i'm scared.
Every single day I wake up i think about dying, no joke. I don't think i'm at the point of suicide, but it's on my mind at least 5 times a day.
I need more nutrition obviously, my body doesn't digest foods well. I need something quick. I'm not trying bee pollen again, at least not for a while.
I cant even take probiotics. even when I did the kefir I got intense reactions that were unbearable even with a tiny ammount.
I just wanna know WTF is going on. I'm tired of dieting and hoping it's gonna make me better. THe only reason i'm any better is cause I stabilized on benzos. I'm still in the same spot I was a year ago with candida/parasites. brain fog, bad eye floaters, all my other symptoms. I can't handle it much longer and want a bullet in my head.
only thing keeping me alive is my mom and the love I have for a girl. i'm scared to live, an scared to die.
I need something for depression, i added some turkey to my diet last few days cause my work is physically demanding.
I don't know, maybe i'm just in withdrawal constantly now. I've read about "benzo brain" like a constant fog. an my lack of energy.
plain an simple, i have to work. Or i can't support myself, won't have money for herbs/juicing. I'm trying to live a somewhat normal life. i'm turning 26 on june 4th. I honestly believe in my heart i'll die before 27.