So sorry to hear you are going through this. You are most definately not alone! You have come to exactly the right place for support and understanding and wonderful ladies who will never dismiss anything you are talking about and understand because they are going through it!
You have made the best decision ever to have it removed and as I am sure you have already realised, things aren't goining to improve. Get that thing out and start the recovery process. Keep checking in. We are here for you when ever you need us! It can take a long time, so be patient with yourself. I wish you a speedy recovery.