because I didn't make good decisions since my ex boss destroyed my health. I get low on HC and then do dumb things, so I need to pay the ultimate price for it. I truly don't think I' have long to live. He hates my guts and is going to see to it that I don't enjoy life any more,. and I seldom do. He ruined my health, and now he expects me to be one of his little choir boys and know enough to not say anything wrong. Well, I get jumpy, irritable, confused, etc., etc. It's all my fault though. Can't win. All my fault. Always is, always will be.