Re: Saving my sanity!!!
You are not a doormat. You are a very caring and kind person. However, it looks like enough is enough. You, at the very least, deserve respect from anyone that you allow to stay in your home. You have to realize that you are getting none. And it sounds as though this burden is just too much for you, and little wonder. I would suggest a family meeting setting some rules. She is to actively look for a job and do certain chores around the house. And look after the cats properly. If she does not keep her part of the bargain, she will simply have to leave. Keep in mind that you have to mean what you say and that these rules need to be enforced. Maybe your husband would be the one to set these terms together with being the "enforcer". Actually, you may find that she, herself, may leave on her own. The free ride will be over.
I had a similar situation, minus the cats, many years ago with a brother-in-law. In my meeting, I pulled out a calendar and I circled a date 30 days in advance. I told him that if he did not have a job by this date and was not contributing to this household, he was no longer welcome and would have to leave. Worked like a charm. He had a job way before that date, did his part, and moved out shortly therefter.
My Best,
Luella
My Best,
Luella