Re: This monster doesn't want to go...
Here's a flip side of the story. It seems no one gets better or no one gets healthy. But I'll give you a story. My aunt (very cose to me and the one that took care of me during the acute phase of when I fell ill) was sick for 20 years. She kept telling me that she had the same illness and though she wasn't as educated, she was right in many ways. She told me that for 20 long years, she had a tumor in her gut that had to be removed, constant Depression
and sadness, tried to commit suicide due to health issues, had a big swollen neck, physically went to crap, had a white white tongue with so many digestion issues, hypothyroid, etc.
And somehow unknown to me or her, she is now entirely healthy. She never gave up and she said she attended seminars and pretty much did everything that you oculd consider "healthy" from Monavie juice to laughter therapy and spent so much money on anyone that could potentially cure her. It took her 20 years but most recently she came to visit a few weeks ago and she said she had a full physical done for insurance purposes. A colonoscopy, endoscopy, complete blood work, etc. And she has a CLEAN slate of health. Even her conventional medicine doctor did not believe her. He couldnt get past the fact that she was hashimotos and no longer on thyroid medicine and her TSH is a 1.0. (Doctors these days..) She is eating whatever she wants, has energy, looks like shes 48 though she's close to 60 and doesnt have any health issues.
It took her 20 years. And for someone whos educated and doing research, I feel the time to learn and know (especially with the internet) would be cut dratically. Mind you she didn't have the internet and her english is subpar. When she mentioned thrush and the digestive issues, let alone the 5 lb TUMOR they had to surgically remove from her gut, i wondered how did she get rid of the fungal issues and all of that? And to be honest, I have no clue, other than the fact that she's healthy. She has no clue either as it was a gradual thing.
It is hard I admit that. I really am at the end of my ropes as well and some days I completely second guess everything I know out of frustration. The emotional pain of watching all your friends at such a young age, succeed and move onto greater things, having a girlfriend who said she loved you no matter what peace out on you and never look back, losing all your material possessions..... and even when you're alone in silence and you just stare into the mirror and don't even recognize your face and body from the weight loss (And its been almost 2 years for me)... that is something 99.9% of human beings will NEVER understand. A double edged sword in that, if everyone went through this experience, more people would be wiser, compassionate and understanding. But the other side of that is, it is so painful I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy.
Seriously though, I'm not a quiter. I've always been a leader and even at my sickly state, I try to take charge of what I can. That is the essence of who I am, and I really truly cannot wait until the day I can do anything without limitations. I believe it will happen though. Not happening is not a part of my reality.