you made me cry....i kno EXACTLY what you are going through. you are not alone.
i know the embarrassment. everyone at work joking about it, and they think ya dont know they are talking about you. i know the feeling of just wanting to be normal. to be able to speak at any moment without some weird funkdafied smell smelling up the whole room.
dude, i get it.
i have thought of suicide so many times ive lost count. i also have sobbed myself to sleep angry at God.
i dont know if you believe in God, but the way i have been trying to view this horrible smell issue is that God knew i could handle it. He knew it would be hard, that i would contemplate life and death....but He knew i could rock it.
try to take a perspective of how f***ing tough you are. how there are so many pansies out there who could NOT deal with what we deal with every day.
respect yourself love yourself and if people are too narrow minded to love you the way you are, then you dont need them in your life...