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Can't take life anymore
 
Shattered Soul Views: 5,714
Published: 11 years ago
 

Can't take life anymore


I've been reading posts here since I was 21, I'm 28 now and feel like giving up. The emotional pain is so overwhelming. My humanity and diginity have been taken away from me, and there is nothing left. I just wish people had more empathy and werent so cruel, but then again I'm sure if I didn't have this problem I would be just as cruel.

Everything I've ever tried to do has been ruined by this. I was a really good student in highschool, got into a very prestigous university, was on the dean's list my 1st two years in uni, but once this started I dropped out and completed a crappy degree online. I'm 28 now, heavily in debt and have never held down a job for more than 5 months.

The worst part is I started doing drugs and drinking heavily when I was 25, just to escape, and I'm sure the drugs have made things worse. I never even smoked a cigarette or got drunk until I was 25. Then started smoking weed everyday, and taking mdma like 3-4 times a week. But now I don't even get any euphoria from mdma.

I'm definitely NOT going to commit suicide because of what it will do to my parents, and for the moment I've decided to stop taking drugs.


I'm going to start taking a lot of probiotics, vitamins and other supplements, and see if that helps. I'll post what happens in a month or so. If the odour isn't completely gone after a month I'm going to try an anti-candida diet and a cleanse.

I know this is a really long and rambling post so far, but I wanted to add the following about how different drugs I've tried in the past year have affected the odour:

-This past year I tried meth and noticed that it made the problem really really bad, but after a week of not doing any meth it started to get better again. For whatever reason doing meth made the problem a lot worse, but I'm not sure why. And I mean right from the 1st time I smoked it, not like after going on a week long binge. I was with two girls the 1st time I did it and they were horrified after I started hitting the pipe. I didn't even do that much, we had maybe .5 grams which we all shared. We all took a shower together after it started getting bad but the moment I got out and dried up and sat down, it started again and got just as bad in a few minutes. This was very unusual because I wasn't sweating that much, and the odour is usually only released when I sweat. We were also smoking a lot of weed at the time, but my odour just overpowered all other scents in the apartment, even the weed smell which is usually pretty strong.

-I tried taking Nystatin, it's sold without a scriipt in Vietnam, and I noticed when I began taking it the problem went almost completely away. But after a while (1-2 weeks) the Nystatin didn't have much of an effect. Has anyone else noticed that they built a tolerance to Nystatin after around 1-2 weeks and it wasn't as effective?

-I've also noticed that when I take opiates the odour gets worse. I experimented with opiates for the 1st time a few months ago. I bought neo-codeine, which is sold over the counter in Vietnam. Each pill had 15 mg of codeine. If I took one or two the smell did not increase, but if I took like say >5 at once the smell would get worse. This suprised me because when I was on codeine, I didn't sweat as much so I thought it would help improve the smell but it actually made it a lot worse. I remember reading a post by someone here who was addicted to heroin and they said the smell was a lot worst when they were on heroin. For me, when I took a lot of codeine at once the smell got a lot worse also, I mean like insanely bad. The most I've taken was 300mg at once and this made the odour really bad even though I felt great and was practically not sweating at all.
 

 
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