I'm sorry, please forgive me for posting this, ok?
I'm on day 1, whetever that means. I've been on a variation of The Master Cleanse since last night. It didn't start out as such, meaning, I didn't plan on doing that, but I was really sick the last few days. I got sick, and then I ate and got sicker. Basically I wasn't helping myself with my food choices. Of course, I swelled up. That's how I react, my body swells. My eyes hurt bad, like even behind the eyes I swell, and my lymphnodes get huge, and the pain and fatigue levels go nuts. I went through all of that and then some the last few days, but managed to get to the health food store nonetheless this afternoon.
I've been doing drinks of lemon/cayenne/ginger and molasses, slippery elm, IF2, herbal tea, kidney cleanse tea and tonic (I had continued to drink the tea the last few days, even tho I had stopped the tonic) 2 tbsp olive oil so far, 1tbsp bee pollen(this is new for me), and that's it.
I got some apples, carrots and spinach just in case I wanted to make a juice, but so far it doesn't look like it. I just brewed a coffee enema which needs to cool, and will do that within the next hour.
I just feel so bad:( I was nauseous many times today. Whatever is moving in my gut is really causing me upset. I know I should not have deviated, but I am at a crossroads. I have been doing so much listening to various opinions on food and diet and health- trying to figure out if this is really the right thing for me to do- the IP. I just don't think I have the choice anymore- I don't mean to say it in a negative way- but I just can't process anything. I have succumbed to always being sick, always getting on the bandwagon and not getting everything I need and just winging it- and then crashing. I never know if anything is working.
But I know that on raw food, I do not swell like this. It's terrifying. I just don't know if I can keep this up long term. I don't even know if/how I can get out of my grandparent's house. It's killing me, living here. Really there are no more concessions I can make with my health, and yet I keep doing it! I just can't anymore, I really feel like I am going to die.
I'm really emotional right now. I feel the urgency to be in a loving environment so badly. I need it so bad, even just to calm me down so I can do the rest of the work. I can't believe I have gotten used to being so disabled. I dont know what it will take for me to get well. Im absolutely terrified:(