I read the new testament many times. I accepted J into my heart and was filled with the Holy Spirit. It was the hypocrisy of sin, judgement, and we're the only ones going to heaven garbage that turned me away from christianity and put me on a search for Truth.
“Can you imagine what a state of mind without illusions is? How it would feel? Try to remember when there was a time, -- perhaps a minute, maybe even less -- when nothing came to interrupt your peace; when you were certain you were loved and safe. Then try to picture what it would be like to have that moment be extended to the end of time and to eternity. Then let the sense of quiet that you felt be multiplied a hundred times, and then be multiplied another hundred more.
And now you have a hint, not more than just the faintest intimation of the state your mind will rest in when the truth has come. Without illusions there could be no fear, no doubt and no attack. . . . all pain is over . . .” (W.pI.107.2; 3:1,2,3).