hey, we all know how tough it is, your really need someone to help you on a one to one basis who suffers like you. Where are you from? Im sure they're must be people near by who suffer like you, if you can get together life will seem a whole lot brighter.
Who cares what people think of you, we've all had that in the past, it might seem hard but these people are not the be all and end all.
My suggestions, keep trying new things and see if you can meet up with people who are going through the same stuff, you'l carry a bond, you should make that your number one objective, not suicide.