Okay, this is a difficult time for you, but you will make it through, just breathe, I know when the pain gets really bad we feel like there will be no way out. I wish I knew what the answer was, I really do. You are doing so much work on yourself, and I am so sorry you are going through this. I sometimes wonder how tricky healing one's self can be, especially when we are essentially doing in on our own.
You have so much courage, and so much faith. I really, really applaud you- I am not able to do half as much as you have been doing every day. I just wonder what is missing.