hi, so great to hear from you , please call me!!!!
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I just made the learning of how to fast at some extended length regularly my first and primary goal in life. I talked with people about my fears. I kind of grew accustomed to the idea of getting emaciated if necessary (remember thin eople son't even lose that much weight fasting. FAsting isn't really about weight loss but about healing. yeah, obese people might lose a lot but... do you kind of get a feel for what I mean? fasting is safe and beneficial for all body types...) AND I read Isabelle Moser in soil and health dot com AND I read Shelton there and CARRINGTON on Google Books and other fasting authors there , the old-time people will really convince you. google fasting on google books. And I read most recently of an emaciated man who cured his ulcerative colitis by fasting 30 days straight.
I am in hell right now, just wanting to eat and my body cannot handle food. I had 2 days of perfect food sobriety . Then I got worn out by it. I jsut have to develop more tolerance, emotional skills, and resistance to it. The 2 days might have been harder because my body was so damaged toxic by my "final farewell to food" that hasn't even ended up being final because I missed this particular crucial desired food and it wont leave me alone. ... so in the 2 days . These began when I stopped eating sunday night, at the end of my "farewell" which was going to usher in my permanent , sprouts-only food sobriety. So I stopped eating sunday night with the determination to push away the food when it wasn't OK with me -- like I had always wanted to. Well, I was hung over and ill and didn't eat all day monday (I was doing what an oldtime author DEWEY he's a great one called a Rest cure - he would just tell his patients, stop eating and do not eat until you are really hungry, no matter how many days that takes; and more or less rest in bed during this time. Well, I went through monday not eating but awoke 4 am Tuesday and was though not sufficiently slept, able to tolerate food again and was compulsed by that... ate 330 calories, sprouts only... I was still kind of unhungry/damaged by the "farewell--" and the sprouts were themselves nontriggering so I held the food intake down to that... I always am in a horrible bind when I eat, wanting to binge out and knowing that if I do I won't be able to eat again for a long time unless i take enemas. A forcing measure I don't like and i think it messes up intestinal flora I mean puts the in a condition where more food is craved or the problem is just not solved somehow... intuitively I feel it is better to demand healthfully that the body solve its own bowel problem if possible... I have to eat SO MINIMALLY if I want to tolerate food again relatively soon... it is just so emotionally hard to get through life without food that I am always just trying to manipulate my body to tolerate food... UGH UGH UGH ... So anyway after the 4 am Monday meal i didn't eat all the rest of Monday and this was a WONDERFUL EXPERIENCE: I got through SEVERAL trigger times and times when ordinarily I would have been overcome with the compulsion to eat. this compulsion came but WONDERFULLY I resisted it and lasted through it and DIDN'T EAT -- witha great sense of purpose and with much healing occurring, mental and physical and emotional and spiritual. But then it was Tuesday and I was doing great till 4 pm when I jsut ran out of strength. I ate 2 cucumbers (too much like fruit and too triggering) with some greens. then a couple hours later I ate 6 six ounce packages blueberries 1 six ounce package raspberries.Total calories 580 but BLOATED AND had to take ENEMA . horrible. Right after the enema I was compulsed to eat again. Managed to push away the food till 4 or 5 am when I typically awaken. THEN ate UNSPROUTED sesame seed 10 T of it equals 400 calories and it was a f*cking incomprehensible miracle I stopped at that. By my calculations I will probably not be hungry til 6 pm today It is 11:30 am. pray for me. I need to mentally READJUST about my situation and construct a plan that keeps me sane because my thinking was: well, perfect food sobriety is impossible now -- i just wanna binge.
I gotta get back on sprouts only
the reason i deviated was: my sprouts the ones i am making I neglected and they got moldy/putrid/not fresh / juicy. And I seemed to want , stubbornly, something "juicy..." .. and the sprouts felt at one point like they woul bloat m... I NEED to work on this and I am so confused.
I gotta mediatate a lot every day soI figure out what to do to achieve fasting , via food sobriety -- that is my goal --
OH, CAN YOU PLEASE TELL ME YOUR BLENDER OR JUICER GREENS RECIPES SO I CAN GET OFF FRUIT???? SO DESPERATE AND IT IS DESTROYING ME FINANCIALLY!! PLease CALL!!! Love to you.