I keep going back and forth between making very strict plans and then rebelling against them. Then feeling ashamed and devastated and making even more strict plans.
I like your idea of making the adult commitment to end food addiction. It does feel childish to keep going though this. To get through at least 3 months without binging, not just for my own sake, would mean so much to me, and prove that I have what it takes to grow up and contribute more. This pattern of binging has made me feel stuck and only fasting has helped me get out of it, but I've never gone out of it long enough to make a difference.
So I want to see what I can do to stay away from the things that trigger me and know to stay away from them. I think about how to break a fast in a conscious way. I might experiment with breaking fasts with The Master Cleanse mix using agave nectar, cayenne and lemon in a more diluted way than the recipe and limiting eating to non-sweet fruit and greens and see if this triggers me at all. Also staying hydrated seems like a determining factor for how likely a binge will happen.
Thanks for responding. It helps to hear your story. It feels a little taboo to mention food addiction at all, but any form of pleasure that causes so much pain needs a closer look and a way to heal from it, no matter what form it takes.
Anyway, best of luck on your way to food sobriety, I'll write again soon.