Okay I'm posting this, because I normally don't, but I feel like I am going in circles. I need some help/advice.
The last three of months, I've been doing CE's consistently. Like at least once a day. I did mostly raw food, but not the whole time. At the beginning I would have lapses back to cooked vegan with raw, or end up eating some salmon, a bit of cheese or unfortunately Sugar and carbs. This was happening a lot before I started doing Liver Flushes weekly. The more I cleaned my liver, the less I craved the 'bad' stuff.
Ok, so then this last month, I was able to get my supplements. Before that I was severely depleted nutritionally, and I could feel it. So the last month has been 4tbsp a day superfood (most days), echinacea the first couple of weeks- I went through two bottles because I was fighting a bad yeast infection- bfc, calcium, st-john's wort, solomans seal,( most often 4 droppersful of each a day, sometimes double that) liver/galbladder (as needed, many times after the Liver Flush drink, and many times a few drops on my tongue during the day or before a meal). Before my period I started 2 droppersful of the female formula once in the morning and once at night. I also took the nerve sedative a few times to help with sleep. Also slippery elm 3tbsp a day. I love this stuff:)
I wasn't able to complete a Bowel Cleanse as planned. I started taking cayenne, 1/4 tsp a day, and working up to 3/4 tsp- but my bowel at the beginning was more sensitive, so some days I only had the small doses. Only in the last week have I been doing at least 1/2 tsp a day. I tried to do the #2 gradually, again, trying to see with my bowels, but had to stop because I was getting tremendous gas, urgent stools, etc, several times a day. I would take a dose here and there. Now, in the last few days, I've been doing 3x a day to see what will happen, along with 1 IF#1 at night, and at least 1/2 tsp cayenne a day. I had a big bowel movement this morning, not including everything that comes out with the CE. I realize that the CE's did affect my bowel activity, so I am being careful to do them after bowel movements. I did take maybe 4 Diflucan pills earlier in the month because yeast was really bad, and I noticed a lot of it in my stool. Also after the CE's. I also took on the days where I didn't have kombucha, a 12 plus probiotic pill (I know Uny doesn't endorse this, but I know my gut is so compromised, I just wanted to see if it may help the yeast)
Admist all of this, just trying to stay raw all this month- I have been mostly so, except for some tahini, olive oil, frozen blueberries, a bit of yogurt at the beginning. But its been fruit, veggies, some nuts and seeds, I really cut down on coffee (had maybe a half cup here and there) and I don't crave it like I used to. Also had Kombucha a lot, maybe 3-4 times a week a bottle of 355ml.
Today I feel like absolute hell. I am sorry to use that word, but no other will describe it. All throughout the month I wondered if the fruit I was eating was playing with my blood sugar. I haven't been formally tested, but my Sugar is always a concern- meaning with candida/parasites, and just going through massive sickness when I've had carb overloads in the past- I knew what it was. The last two days I haven't been sleeping. It is stress induced. I ate a lot of fruit, I ate late, and I had some dates, a bit of raw honey (first time ever) bananas, canned pineapple (don't ask me why, I was tired, and it was available) sweet potato, apples and pear. I had chocolate too, a small peice. It wasn't raw and it wasnt dark either:( This is not normal behavior for me at all anymore :(((( So That's everything I ate yesterday. Again some of it was late because I couldn't sleep. My eating late has improved, but sometimes if I cant eat all day, 9 pm comes and I am starving. I try to stick to fruit or maybe a sprouted tortilla with almond butter.
Today I did a CE. I had a grapefruit with garlic, 2 oz aloe vera juice (first time), and superfood in a blender with water. I have had water, 2 doses of IF2, one dose of cayenne, one probiotic pill and herbal tea since. I forgot to mention that my leg still hurts a lot (ankle injury) and I have pain all in my left side. My head and ears always feel blocked and pressured. Today it's very bad too. I am also having a lot of itching today (yeast) I'm still releasing parasite carcasses from my liver with CE's. Really big ones the last two days. My gut hurts, but it always hurts regardless. I feel nauseous. I had some oregano oil too, maybe 10 drops today. I still take it ocasionally when I feel ill.
So basically my mood in general is better. I am more aware of the fluctuations. I am also still releasing a lot of anger. I never externalize it, I just notice it. I feel crazy tho still I have to say. Like so many symptoms, and all I can do is try to figure out how to quell them. It's maddening:( I'm always hungry. I always want to be held. I keep fighting the urge to stop at Burger King. I haven't juiced much because it hits me too hard (detox) It always hits my brain the hardest- I believe because it hits my gut too. I probably have leaky gut and thats why.
Now I am facing homelessness. I mean I have to find a safe place. I am too tired to keep this up. Really I need a hug. I need to talk to people about what is happening. I am a human being for heaven's sake and I feel like no one can even begin to comprehend what I am going through. How can I talk to people about all of this without sounding crazy?
One good thing I started doing is sitting in the grass. I love it. This is recent, and I love it. I walk a lot in the sun too, since the weather got nice, the last two weeks or so.
I'm just sooooooooooooo tired. I'm tired of fighting. I'm tired of wanting a burger. I don't know if I'm hungry or crazy or toxic half the time. And I look 'ok'. Besides no muscle mass in my upper body, I appear 'normal'. But I am fighting through every minute of the day. Is there hope?
Ok, I am done. I would never post this normally, but I need help. Like seriously, I can't function like this anymore.