You have to forgive me for posting this. I am exhausted.
I'm going to be as brief as I can. The last month I've been doing as much of protocol as I can manage- Daily CE's, weekly liver flushing, superfood, tinctures, castor oil packs, eft, emotional work, raw vegan diet, sun exposure etc. Still working on the IF 1 and 2, and a complete bowel cleanse. I surely need some advice with all of this, but I have other life issues that are more pressing now.
I came back home to my family a few months ago because I tried again to live on my own this winter. I could not get the essentials I needed to survive and I was just getting by and my health worsened. Coming home allowed me to get my supplements and I have made progress in the last few weeks, while doing the protocols. I am still dealing with a lot of pain and believe I may need to see a chiropracter too.
Last night, my grandparents and uncle (once again) ganged up on me and threatened to call the police/ambulance and take me to the mental ward. My grandmother is educated (as she told me) and can diagnose me as a manic depressive (as she has) and insists that I need a pill to fix what is wrong with me. All of this was occuring as my uncle (who is 47 years old) was standing at the bottom of the stairs yelling obscenities at me and threatening to kill me.
Why did this fight start? I had an electrical power line that exploded right outside my room (after a storm) and the impact was very close to my head. I felt pain and numbness in my left side/ear/arm. I was in shock and tried to explain to my grandmother what was happening. She asked me if I was hit, I said no. She said 'do you want to go to the hospital', I said no. She then left. I was still in shock.
I questioned her 10 min later, once the pain started in my left side as to why she had left not knowing if I was really ok. She started telling me I was crazy. She got upset. She shut her door in my face. This has happened before. This has happened every time something is wrong.
I do not exist to my family. Everything that has ever been wrong with me has been my fault. My grandmother told me that I was creating my illness. She also told me that I was full of the devil. I was almost expecting her to start throwing holy water at me (she has done this before).
We had no power all night after the fight. I could not remember anybody's number to call for help. I ended up calling an uncle who was busy and honesty is very sympathetic to his parents. I do not have friends I can stay with, as most are married or have their own issues.
Like I said, I am fighting a losing battle here. For me, the fibromyalgia is what makes life the hardest but I fight through the pain everyday to get my groceries, do my routines, stay positive depite the place I am living in (the house is very old and in need of repair as my grandparents are hoarders, and we have issues with ants, mold etc) so you can imagine how this impacts all of our health as well.
What do I need? I need to get out of here. I need a safe place to stay. I need to keep taking my tinctures/products and doing the protocols. I need to give back. I want to help people. I want, and I need to get well.
I have two siblings that I love more than anything in this world. My brother is 21 and my sister, 17. They know that I have struggled for years. They know how hard I am working at getting well. The only testament I have for my life is their presence and their beauty. Considering the lives we have had, they have turned out to be the most outstanding people I know.
My brother and sister have told me not to die. I have asked them a few times, when things were really bad, if I could go. I was in severe pain, or I was having to leave again and physically I did not think I would make it. They told me no. Now can you imagine asking a child if they can let you die? Can you imagine what was going through my head?
I don't want to die. So if anybody reading this can offer me any advice that is truly helpful in this situation-or a lead, or somewhere to go, please tell me. I am not willing to put myself in a compromising position with a man or with anybody else to get my basic needs met. I am a smart, sane, beautiful, talented and promise filled woman who has seen too much of the toxic side of life. I am tired of fighting for my life. I need to breathe. I need to truly live.