Don't you feel a bit hypocritical making him feel bad about using p 0 r n when you're using your own self-gratification device? There's nothing wrong with either of your playing with yourself, spanking the monkey - it's perfectly natural. It's a good outlet that will make it easier not to stray in tempting times.
Even in our best most satisfying relationships we all need our private auto-stimulation moments. Just the way it is. Kind of like sometimes you want to go to the effort of a full meal and other times just grab a quick snack. Though it never stops women from feeling insulted (even when they're doing the same thing).
Other than that your instincts are right on. Your common desire to build a strong family together should trump any other small temptations or considerations. And it sounds like you're on the same page.