I have been away from you for far too long. I would dare say I had very good reasons for it: I have been desperately trying to save the life of my one and only child, whom everyone calls Alex.
Please know, Iíve said this before and shall say it again: Iíve never ignored you, YOU ALL are my friends and my second home from home. The nightmare Iíve been living last year and this year, more specifically, since February 2010, cannot possibly be imagined. I know one day, when the dust settles, I should write this story, and perhaps one day I shall. I can only hope and pray itíll be a story with a happy ending.
I know many of you already have unknowingly prayed for us Ė and hope youíll feel my boundless gratitude for it, although YOU did not have the full information at that time.
4 weeks ago, my son was psychotic enough to destroy our home, the modest rented apartment we both shared. He was charged and is HOMELESS right now, as a result. I am in no legal position to bring him home now; if I do, heíll end up in jail with no possibility for us to save him. Some of the things he destroyed when he lost his mind are fixable, some irreplaceable Ė in the end, they are nothing but objects. The only thing I truly care about is: how can we, or how can ANYONE, fix his MIND? Material objects are NO problem for me, the real issue is his MIND.
Heís tried a few days later to commit suicide, once while on Police custody, another while running wild all over the GTA, because he may have had an ďisland of clarityĒ in his madness and he wanted nothing more to do with the consequences of his insanity (nice word for it: psychosis). It was serious enough that the Marines searched Lake Ontario and its shores in certain relevant places for several hours, only a few days ago Ė and an unknown number of Police Officers in different divisions did the same, for hours and days on end. More details of it later, if I CAN.
You cannot possibly imagine the extent of red tape and obstacles (legal, moral and ethical) I have encountered in my one-woman quest to save him and have had to and have continuously to overcome so far, and who knows how for how long and how far ahead. I cannot afford a lawyer, so I have to rely solely on my mind and constant notes to fight whatever may come next.
I am asking all of you who would care to pray for him and perhaps myself, to do so, but in a very particular way: simply GIVE THANKS and GRATITUDE to whomever and whatever grounds your belief system: be it God, Gíd, Allah, the Universe, Jesus, Buddha, etc., (I equally respect all of them, please believe me) for enabling the best outcome for ALEX to happen. Please do not ASK for a specific outcome, simply GIVE THANKS for the desired outcome, even if it hasn't materialized yet.
Please do not feel Iím imposing my wishes to you: Iím simply asking all of you who feel inclined to do it my way, to do it. If you cannot do so, for whatever reasons, Iím all right with it and thank you profusely for reading this story.
If, however, you ARE able to pray for Alex (and perhaps a little bit for myself, if you will Ė Iíve been NOT sleeping nor eating for the past 5-6-10 weeks now, canít even remember, but I do remember all that CZ has taught me and I promise you all Iím fighting my own body and mind to do all the things I know I should be doing), PLEASE do so, and I realize Iím being really cheeky right now, but Iím asking you to continue to do so whenever you will remember to do it, as often as you possibly can Ė I strongly feel this won't work unless it becomes an ONGOING thing.
Some technicalities now: I have not had Internet access for 4 weeks now because Alex had cut all the cables, destroyed the monitor, and I still have no idea if the main computer is still working or if it has been destroyed. I have located a cable in his bedroom that gives me Internet access on my laptop, but itíll be cut off tomorrow, due to his room being renovated, the holes in the walls filled with compound, sanded, painted, etc. I may be out for Iím not sure how long.
I have lost both my faith and hope many times during this trying time. Somehow, they insist on coming back. This time, I need serious help to retrieve them.