Thank you for responding so promptly to my post:) I am the tardy one for sure! The truth is, so much was happening with me, and I didn't know where to start in terms of a response. I am still not sure what to say, but will try.
My brain doesn't work very well:( It's a consequence of the 'illness' and whatever is going on in my body. There's a lot going on, as you know. I have been on/off many of the tinctures and products I got from you for a few months now and have tried to make progress. I realize, now more than ever, that one cannot make great strides in their health by only implementing a few of the strategies outlined here...you really REALLY HAVE to do the full program.
Truth be told, this has been my intention for many months, and many years. I just remembered the other day that I heard of Dr.Schulze for the first time when I was in my early twenties, and had ordered his basic formulas just to give them a try. I also remember that the Int.Formula #1 had ripped me up inside, and the Superfood caused massive redness on my extremities and face- almost like a sunburn. I know that it was simply detox, or niacin flush, but nevertheless, I was so sick at that time and I could not handle that. I have not had that ever happen with your products, thankfully!
The absolute hardest part for me, is knowing what I need to do, and not being able to, for a variety of reasons. I feel like this is the biggest stumbling block for anyone doing it- 'The Reality Factor', as I like to call it. I really believe that one has to give this 210%- and where I have faltered in the past, in knowing that I could not do this the right way- meaning, I could not afford to take all the herbs I needed, all the time- I did not have the physical support and help- and that I was completely addicted, physically and emotionally to all the foods and beverages that made me so ill- well I guess I sort of gave up.
The last couple of weeks, and with getting over that major 'infection', or whatever that was..and also dealing with things in my personal life that I had to let go of- I just hit my bottom, again- and realized some things.
1. Getting well has to be THE MOST important thing in my life. More important than what people think, more important that any relationship -ESPECIALLY with any toxic or negative people- and more important that my vanity, fear, resistance, pain, or emotions.
2. I gotta start walking the walk NO MATTER WHAT. I have the juicer, I have a blender, I have the shower and the faucet filter, I have access to produce stores all around me (and one has a lot of organic varieties for cheap!) and I have the knowledge of everything I have learned about natural healing through you, this forum, and the Schulze tapes and articles.
3. I have to let go of the past. Especially of the treatments that I did that failed and the doctor who took all of my money and didn't look back as I declined to living like a vegetable. This has been the hardest thing I have had to accept and let go of. I am still releasing a lot of emotions about that, and am loving myself in the process- using positive affirmations and eft.
As weird as it sounds, I did not realize how sick I was/have been all of this time. I have been very sick. More than I would admit to people, and more than I would like to admit to myself. Up until the holidays, I was still trying to get away with eating regular food, and then having to do enemas, take extra colon herbs and basically toughing out days and weeks where I just felt like I was going to die. Then going back on juices, then having major detox. Then giving into cravings. Then going through the cycle again.
It's insanity right? Doing the same thing over and over again and getting the same result? I think Einstein was the one who said it first!
This past week was the 12 year anniversary of me getting sick. It was very strange to live through it, and to let it fully sink in that I am still in this shape after all this time. I've written a couple of very profound letters, one to that doctor, a couple to my mom- and effectively, have cut contact with two people who were not healthy for me to be around or socialize with. My circle of friends is very small at this point, and it is for a reason. I realized a long time ago that I tend to attract toxic and unbalanced people into my life, and it's a cycle that I am stopping:)
I know that I haven't answered any of your questions from the post, and I will do so tomorrow, as it's late. I have been doing juices and a bit of raw food the last two days. My plan is to go on juices tomorrow. I realize that my bowel still has not been working enirely well- I did the #2 for at least 3-4 weeks steadily, but I was getting loose stools a lot, so I would keep backing off, then getting constipated again. Mind you, I had mixed it myself, and it was missing the slippery elm, and apple fruit pectin- so I am thinking that may be why. I also noticed that if I do a coffee enema every day, I cannot have bowel movements on my own and I definitely don't eat enough food to be having 3 bms per day! Unless I'd be getting out old stuff, then I suppose. I just really need to be secure with the food and do a full, and complete colon cleanse, and see what happens.
Thank you so much for your help and support as always. I also want to say that I appreciate your candor, and no matter what, I know that you are usually (if not always!) right. Sometimes it takes me a few days or a week for it all to sink in...but I know that you know the deal. You've been there, and you've been doing this a long time.