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Re: I feel victimized by my friend.
 

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Published: 13 years ago
 
This is a reply to # 1,543,090

Re: I feel victimized by my friend.


You ARE making the right decision to move on and sever ties with him. People like him are parasites---users and abusers---who take advantage of the kindness of others. You have no control over whether or not he hurts himself. If was threatening you that way (If you don't do this, I'll kill myself), that is extremely manipulative and abusive. So, if he says he's going to hurt himself and it's all your fault, tell him you're moving on and he's free to do to himself whatever he wants. Also, if he threatens YOU with bodily harm, get a restraining order against him. Go to your local police department and they can advise on you how to do this.

Don't be so hard on yourself. You did what good people do---you helped out a person in need. Unfortunately, there are people out there who are takers---people who are ungrateful and unappreciative. As far as I'm concerned, you don't have to forgive yourself for anything---you've done nothing wrong.

I hope that this doesn't discourage you from reaching out to others in need. I'm not saying that you should put yourself in financial straights to help out someone but still reach out to others in need, even in small ways.

This, of course, won't be easy to do after you've been burned. I know it might be hard for you to get too close to others and trust them, so there is nothing wrong with treading cautiously. I know all this from experience. Personally, I'm the type of person who, if asked for help, will do so if possible. Many, many times I've helped others only to have them not return the favor when I needed help. However, I can't see myself never helping out someone again. It's somewhat selfish---I feel good knowing that I was of help. Yet, I do tread carefully these days. I liked to help out but I don't like being taken advantage of.

So...in short...don't let him manipulate you anymore. If he threatens you, get a restraining order out on him. Also, don't lose your giving nature. If you're feeling burned (and rightly so), start small when giving. Start by giving to a charity you believe in and like. Volunteer in your community. These are ways in which you can give without feeling taken advantage of, if anything, others will express their thanks and appreciation. It's a good feeling to help out when it's appreciated.

Good luck and please don't beat up yourself over this! You were a good friend to him---unfortunately he is a user.
 

 
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