Re: My Son
Katsstump, I understand exactly what you are going through, my daughter went through a very similar relationship with an abusive man. She was backpacking when she met him, (she was 20 at the time), and she was living in another state with him.
When my partner and I visited, we were horrified and desparately wanted her to leave him and come back home with us. We could not and would not force the issue, and had to leave without her. This is the hardest thing I have ever had to do as a mother.
I constantly let her know that she could come home anytime, that I loved her and would not judge her. This is sometimes all that you can do, children (and they will always be our children no matter what age they are), must make their own mistakes.
He was physically violent with her a few weeks later, and she called and asked if we could get her home, and of course this is what we did. The man followed her, harrassing her, and my partner and I , continually. We called the police and he went away for a while, but it took another 2 years before he finally gave up and left my daughter alone.
Show your son the email she sent to you, calmly, (if you haven't already done so), and ask him what his feelings are about this, abusers need to be exposed, they rely on people to keep their secrets. Your son knows on some level that this girl is bad for him, but he needs to work out for himself the reasons why he continues to stay with her, and he will work it out. And as the other poster advised, no "I told you so", when he finally realises his mistake he will need support not recrimminations.
I wish you all the best with this situation, and your son, I hope it works out for both of you :)
regards spud